Separation, Settlement, or Servellience?

[Yasu]

Oh dear. This is the first time is a long stent since I felt that fluttering panic sensation - like you "just gotta do something.". I believe it's called an "extinguishment burst.". Luckily, I don't think I did any damage. Just a follow up VM:

thanking him for forwarding the check, and reminding him that the bills I sent in latter January are now past due. To call me if there is an issue with these bills, or leave a VM, or have someone else call me, to avoid services being shut off."

There has been confusion over these bills, and this month, I am expecting things to get back on track, as I can no longer afford to cover the bills he is responsible for. I got so aggravated last summer with the past dues, and his partial payments, that I just started paying myself on my AmEx while I was working on the rental. I cannot do it anymore, and must collect what he owes me next. I suppose with a letter from me first.

I am anxious, as I have not told my whole story in one place before. Most people would think I'm crazy to love this man I've been married to over half my life. Perhaps he is not the same man. This is entirely possible. But I really don't know.

He once said, just before we stopped talking, that since we had gone this far (with the divorce), we might as well go through with it. At that point, I definitely scared him off with some serious bargaining, and/or convincing (wrong). That is exactly what I meant in my first post. I have had a huge number of these positive statements - that I either ignored, or handled improperly (pre-Michelle).

I have terrible terrible anxiety, but I know it will pass. I am staying strong and will not falter. As a new member, I am being moderated, and they will indeed have their hands full with me.