Bklyn Queen

[BklynMom]

Thanks everyone for your posts. I read them yesterday from my phone while I was working and then in the evening when I was off doing fun GAL stuff.

NLW - You nailed it. Its so hard for me to say I'm separated when the truth is my H left me, but its getting easier. It actually has gotten easier to say to people I am actually friends with versus neighbors whom I barely know.

ITM - Al anon has given me a life. As great as these boards are, Al anon is equal to that. Its given me so much support and love and a place to cry out loud.

Rick - I kind of joke about wanting about using this time to my advantage but the truth is being with another man is so scary to me right now. Strange thing, a guy at my Al anon meetings asked me out last week. Luckily I had something planned for the evening he asked me out cause I was so not ready for it and so terrified. But it was very flattering especially from a guy that has been in the room when I have cried and also knows I have two little kids. I am so not ready for any intimacy with the opposite sex.

KG - Thanks for understanding. Knowing that I am not crazy is so huge. This is hard stuff we are going through, and we are doing the best we can. Each day with our beautiful kids is amazing. Thks for the reminder

NH - Its so cool that you think I have strength even when I dont feel like I do. It makes me feel so good.

Monday & Tuesday are my days without the girls. Yesterday I was very busy working and doing fun me things but when it came to make a good night call to the girls I really struggled. I hate it. Tucking them in from the phone and being home at night without them in their room - it stinks.

I hesitated posting here last night cause I was so feeling sorry for myself and I didnt want all my posts to become whinathons. Having a great day today.

Currently I am sitting on the bathroom floor while my hair color sets. I have never colored my hair at home. I have a good friend who is a hair dresser and she always does it, so I am a little nervous.

I want to step up the looking good for H. I think I already look good and always have a cute outfit on when he comes over but I think I need to take it to the next level. I just dont want to dress too sexy that its not me.

My H does not look at me when we are together. He kind of looks through me or past me but does not look at me. I want to look so hot that he has no choice but to look at me.

After he left I went from a size 8 to now a size 4 but I feel like my face looks older. I think the couple of extra pounds kept the wrinkles off, but now I am skinny, stressed out and wrinkly. I need to drink more water. No more coffee

Ces I love this so so much. I reread it all the time.
"I can still be the person I want to be. Some days the vision of who that is can be very clear and I can almost grab it. Then somehow its fades like vapor and I struggle to feel that strength again. But quitting, and giving in to the misery won't help you or your girls.

Your H is massive jerk and quite honestly so is my W. But that is their choices driving those behaviors. Not you or me."

Labug - I will do a whole post on my Dad's struggle but I need to gather my thoughts. A quick summary is, it took my father many many years to see the light.