Well, I have a lot of confusion about whether or not I'm DB'ing effectively. I try to stick as close as possible to the 37 points and my personal 180s (definitely not trying to pursue her, being careful to avoid words/phrases that would indicate it), but I can't help but feel like I'm being a bit of a doormat. Since we're still living together, it's become rather routine and commonplace for me to do little things she asks for (take plate to kitchen, turn on a fan, pick stuff up from the store while I'm out), and I don't know if that's a problem. OTOH, refusing any of this stuff seems petty. I don't THINK there are any boundaries that need to be there, but I wonder if it really equates being a doormat. I'm not doing any of this stuff in an effort to win her affection, so I guess I'm safe, but I'm just not sure.
I'm not bashing you here, don't mistake that....
I'm just curious....why ARE you doing this ?
There is/has been a ton of discussion here about being a doormat. I see both sides of it. I think a lot of it plays into what YOU think...
Are you a doormat ?
Do you think you are because your best friend Harold said that you are ?
Wasn't Harold the same guy giving you marital advice, based on his past four marriages, on becoming a better husband ?
Obviously being facetious there. Then again, in a sense, I'm not.
I think you should start by defining YOUR reasons that you are here...
Define why YOU think there are changes that you could make...
Is this really about becoming a better husband only? Or a better person, that could be capable of being a better husband ???
Kudos on the AA meetings....those are for you buddy, Use them well.
Practice your listening skills while you are there, listen and validate. Seek information for you.
DBing isn't all that much of a blanket thing. Solution based means that you stop, look, and listen to what works.
