Together since we were 15...Part 3

[Jenna333]

We took the love languages test a year or two ago, but haven't read the book. I don't remember the wording of it all, but I do know how we show love and feel loved. He shows love by giving gifts and caretaking. He feels loved through affection (physical and verbal) and being taken care of the way he's always enjoyed taking care of me. The way I want to show love has changed. It's not surprising, considering how many changes I've made within myself in the past 8 weeks I find myself wanting to gift give and caretake. Probably because I never reciprocated before, and I want to show him how good it feels.

I had a great conversation with my dad yesterday about my anxiety through this reconciliation process so far. He told me that if I don't take that step (leap!) and trust J to make his own choices, and to make the appropriate and smart ones, I'll never be giving the relationship a chance at all. I'd be dooming it from the start. It's so true. For so long I held on to my fear and anxiety because I felt it protected me from what I knew would end up hurting me. In reality I was only hurting myself and damaging our R by not doing my part. If I knew I was not trusted no matter what I did, I'm not sure it would be great motivation to live up to impossible standards. Now, he never should have lied, and he knows that. I'm only saying that I never took the chance to trust him. I'm going to do it now. It won't come overnight by any means, but I'm starting the process now.

J had the kids last night, like he does every Mon and Tues nights. After I got out of class he texted me to ask how it went. Then he called after I got home. We talked for an hour We chatted about his programming homework and my medical terminology exam. When I told him I had to get to bed, he teased me by pouting about how I must not want to talk to him anymore. It reminded me of when we'd talk all night on the phone together as teens. "No, you hang up first!" LOL.

Taking it slow is fun, but odd sometimes. We're never sure if we should say I love you when parting, but the pause for it is always there and we know we're both thinking it. I know we both fear rushing this. I've gotten close to asking him to just move in with us when the kids and I move in less than 2 weeks. I won't, though.