Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY

[tenbusrider]

Well, I have a lot of confusion about whether or not I'm DB'ing effectively. I try to stick as close as possible to the 37 points and my personal 180s (definitely not trying to pursue her, being careful to avoid words/phrases that would indicate it), but I can't help but feel like I'm being a bit of a doormat. Since we're still living together, it's become rather routine and commonplace for me to do little things she asks for (take plate to kitchen, turn on a fan, pick stuff up from the store while I'm out), and I don't know if that's a problem. OTOH, refusing any of this stuff seems petty. I don't THINK there are any boundaries that need to be there, but I wonder if it really equates being a doormat. I'm not doing any of this stuff in an effort to win her affection, so I guess I'm safe, but I'm just not sure.

As far as conversations go, I generally let her start/initiate most of them, and I try to validate and maintain eye contact (when she's looking at me, anyway). I'll occasionally start conversations so that I'm not simply being aloof, or if I have something weighing on my mind (like my dad's health), but I don't walk in in the evening and strike up a conversation immediately.

I'm not bringing up R talk since the incident a few weeks ago, but what do I do when she starts hinting at D? She won't come out and say it, and so far, I've tried my best to validate her when she talks about why she wants it this way, but I get very uncomfortable when she does this, so my voice is probably weaker than it should be. When do I get a chance to speak my piece? I probably already know that answer (when she's open to it), but this is one area that's really hard, even harder than not telling her that I love her and see how I was wrong for blaming her and her sickness on my actions.

There's also the whole FWB talk we had the other night - what do I do if that ever becomes viable? Is it counter-productive? MWD and a few other posts here on the board seem to take that stance that any chance to ML is one that should be taken. Does that still apply in this context? I certainly like to think it does, but I wouldn't be here if I had that answers! lol

Also, I was wondering if, in anyone else's perception, my sitch is improving, getting worse, or in a holding pattern. I haven't really noticed any new improvements in a while, but stress may be an effective blinder.

Thanks for asking, Mach.