It's Over Now

[~ kd ~]

Anyway she told me last night on the phone that if I scheduled an appointment with a counselor that she would go.

This is a positive. Many WAS will say they don't expect it to change their mind or that they are doing it because it might help in the future to co-parent or whatever, after the D.

And in their minds, that is true.

But, things happen in MLC and there is very little, if anything, that is permanent. Many LBS quit MLC because there is no apparent change in the WAS. But given enough time... well, no one can predict the future.

Take her agreement to go to counselling as a positive and go to counselling to truly understand what she is thinking and then you can formulate a plan to change the negatives in you and create more positives.

I asked her to try to spend more time with me, or at least talk to me a little more.

This was clingy and pursuit. At this time, do your best to stay away from this.

If there is no communication then there is no hope at all. The truth is, in another month and a half the divorce can be finalized. I asked if she had been thinking about the divorce, and she said "a little".

It is a common misconception of the LBS to think that WORDS are communication. ACTIONS are actually far and away better forms of communication. Everything you DO holds more weight than anything you say. Communicate by becoming truthful, honest, open, and otherwise a better you... being consistent with that over a long period of time... that will communicate WORLDS to her.

Another misconception by the newbie LBS is that "there is only a short amount of time". That may or may not be true. A WAS can often slow things down. Be happy that she isn't thinking about it all the time, otherwise you might be D next week. It is very possible that her saying she isn't thinking about D, could mean that she is thinking about R...

So again, consider that is possibly a positive.

I see now where things I say appear negative.

Awesome that you are learning and able to see the "other side" of the coin. Take that knowledge and use it to be a better you.

Also, great that you have DB coaching sessions lined up. They can be very helpful.

Every day is a day to learn from and helps us be better for tomorrow.

Keep working on you and keep moving forward.

[~ kd ~]

hahaha... ok, I said "many things happen in MLC"... true enough. I obviously meant MC (marriage counselling)... sorry for the foot in mouth confusion...

[fireman]

Kafe, right you are! I recognized the "clingy" and have since started LRT. So far, it's very difficult, but I'm sticking to it. I scheduled MC at a church for the 23rd. It's far off, I know, and I may find another place. However W wanted it to be at a church, and I found what I hope is the best one in our area. She has been at the house all day with her sister packing (I ended our lease so we have to be out by the 1st), and texted me a couple hours ago asking if I can pick up S2 from daycare because her and sister are doing things over here (apparently meaning at the house, but I really don't know because she is staying with family 30 minutes away so she could mean in this area of town). I texted back "absolutely" and that was it. I will see her this evening when she goes to the house to get him, and I will be happy and ask no questions and not try to make any conversation. It's small, I know, but I was asked to do a favor and I'm going to do it (of course, it's my S!) and that's one little way that she can see that I'm there for her and for S too. Baby steps I guess. I admit it absolutely kills me that I have no idea what W and here sister are doing. But I'm trying to squash that. By the way, my talk with Joanne yesterday was great. It was immensely inspiring and gave me new hope.