I'm having trouble determining which post you guys are talking about... but I think my perspective is a bit skewed, as well...
I found it VERY enlightening to hear WAS perspectives. And once I got out of the "poor me" thoughts, it really made sense and I really empathized. But... I had to admit to myself that my M was pretty... shotgun... I wanted to be M and I wanted children. I liked my W but wasn't initially interested in her. I "learned" to love her. I had misgivings at the wedding. But... I made my bed and I'm pretty stubborn, that way.
So I lived with it. I was committed to "it" and I was committed to my W... but eventually, the love went away. From an emotional perspective, it was more of a FWB thing. And there was the fear and the failure that I did not want to deal with. So I believed that I was doing the right thing. And tbh... being dumped sux... so it hurt (a lot of old triggers kicked in) and it took me a while to accept it.
Anyhow, what I'm saying is, get to know the WAS perspective. They really do believe what they are saying. At least in the moments. Yes, it might be laced with a lot of black and whites and never's and always's... but they believe it. And I believe that if we can empathize with that and validate those feelings and beliefs... and ACCEPT them... it will take us a long way to understanding and doing the DB work...
