I think you need to go easy on yourself here. This is hard stuff.
That Friday morning, you hold your head up high, and you do what NEEDS to be done. Not necessarily what you WANT to do, rather what NEEDS to happen.
We , as the LBS, will never understand fully the "whys" of this. We may never understand how this affects our spouse either. Then again, that isn't part of OUR journey.
I remember that Friday morning too. I had tried to prepare myself for it, and be ready for it. In theory ? It all sounded good. In reality ? It never pans out the way we think it should.
What I had been told was to expect the unexpected as far as what I would feel , and how I would react. It could be far more than I had prepared for, and it could be far less than I had built it up as being.
The advice I got, was to treat this as everything I had learned DBing. To have zero expectations of how I would react. To live in that moment, to FEEL everything around me, and let those emotions wash over me fully, so I could deal with them then, and then release them.
I had words I needed to live up to. IF I really meant what I said, and my words were to really match my actions, then I was to love her enough to let her go.
I can tell you that these things rarely go as "planned". I can tell you that this doesn't mean the end of anything, unless you say it is.
Sometimes, this is the space that the WAS needs in order to think clearly. Sometimes this is what HAS to happen in order to move forward.
When you walk out the door that morning. Try to think about the possibility of what you can gain by this, rather than what is lost.
When you walk back in Sunday, take the time to FEEL every emotion that washes over you. Use that emotion to fuel your energy tank, for down the road.
