In my opinion I think the MLCer is in a constant state of testing the waters in every direction they go. I think a part of them still very much wants to remain with us, yet they can't deny their feelings to move in other directions. I recall this feeling towards my xh when I was 18 years old. Mind you, I was 18. A little more appropriate than 41, but the basis is the same. I guess what's so humbling is that everything I see my xh go through and what we've talked about, I did go through at 18 - 21 years old during our first 3 years together before getting married. I don't recall him going through all that. But now he is.
Perhaps all the anger, spew, push - pull is more age appropriate for the MLCer. At 18 years of age, most of us don't have such and investment in the relationship. No marriage vows, children, houses, cars, assets,and many years together. With that involved, and then the MLCer needing to work out issues from their youth, the push pull that goes on in their very own minds must be torture.
Maybe that's why they still want us in the back ground. Very much like a child that needs to go out on their own but always needs to know they can come back and be loved. What's severly lacking in my opinion is emotional maturity, and accepting and acknowledging what the hell their doing to their families in the process.
