feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[imthemom]

Well, I went to Hs house yesterday and spoke to him about my "expectations"....When I first got there he immediantly got into how horrible he felt about not showing up for S14 but I cut him off. I said I dont even want to talk about last night, I want to talk about what I can expect from you regarding S14 so that we are clear and both understand what is expected of us.

I told him my first expectation and asked if he thought that was fair and if he could do it. (show up for S14 if there is an emergency) He said "of course, I want you to call me for that kind of stuff and I want to be there for my son"

Then I asked about the second expectation (be ther to help parent S14 if he gets into trouble at school or home) and he said "yes, I want you to count on me for that to"

So all in all he was very agreeable and said all the right things..he started with the whole "I dont want things to be this way, I want to parent my son and be there for him, I dont know why Im making this so hard I know this is what I wanted"..blah blah blah...
I was very clear with him...I even asked what he considered an emergency because Im aware that what I consider one and what he considers one is very different...I told him Im not judging you, but you need to be very clear with me what I can count on you for so there are no misunderstandings..Its your choice how involved you want to be in your sons life.
He said that he was trying to get back on track...going to his AA meetings again and talking to his sponser again...I hope so but its not my problem to worry about anymore.

As I was sitting there in that house (its the first time ive been in his place) I looked at him and really saw him...he looked pathetic and sad and just all around disapointing...his place is very well put together and clean...but as I looked around i realized it was all stuff I had put together for him...that we had in our home together,right down to the pics of his family in frames that I had put together. He looked like a scared little kid...It must be miserable living like that, and sober for the first time to boot. part of me felt sorry for him and the other part of me thought have fun in your mud puddle youve created for yourself...

When i got home he text me and asked to have our S call him..(S14s phone is broken) I told S14 to call his dad and he said he didnt want to..hes still pretty upset about the whole lieing thing. I text H back, he doesnt want to, sorry....I cant imagine how I would feel..I would be devistated. But I dont think it even dings the wall he has put up..so sad.