Clearly it depends on individual situations. I do wonder if those who come back actually have less severe MLC - I am not trying to trivialise what any of us goes through. I must sound very arrogant, but I did nothing that I am aware of to deepen my h's new hate. I have examined my conscience repeatedly, and come away shaking my head. Your post caused me once again to question 'what could I have done differently?' Some things I perhaps would have handled differently - was I right to oppose the divorce for example? but I am left with the conclusion in my case that there is nothing I could have done to bring him home.
My xh is now on his second OW, and back to spewing at me. It has been a very hard time for me and the children. He has been venomous at times to his [adult] children, and reduced my lovely dil to tears on more than one occasion. He has distanced himself from all his old friends except a couple of gay men who supported his decision to leave me. And even they now shake their heads.
My dil had a very abusive father, and my xh made common cause with him to try and persuade my son that my dil was mentally disturbed, just to give an example. I don't dwell on this, and recognise he is very disturbed, but it hurt my eldest son and his wife tremendously, because it was done so covertly, without checking any of the facts about the real abuse my dil suffered.
It would be painful to find out that I could have done it differently, but if I could have I would still rather know. I am weeping again as I write this at the sadness and loss. He was a wonderful husband and father for so many years, and then he flipped out. To think I might have done something that could have saved us so much of this . . . . .
