But how, LA? From a DB perspective I've been in LRT/dim mode. I don't think that that would be wise to continue right now......or would it? I look at the 37 rules and wonder which do I adhere to now? "Planning dates" is that bad?? Honestly, I think I was better prepared for the last phase than this one. I DON'T want to go back there, and I am glad I am here - but I feel sorta lost and confused. I need a sit-down with a former WAW. Where is Sandi when you need her??
Crimson
can't speak for Sandi but the rules she assembled, were for newcomers.
They change and adapt as the situation does.
Piecing was sort of hardest for me b/c of hte lack of clarity and not being sure what's safe to bring up and what's being "let go of" and what still needs resolving.
For us, Retrovaille came about on our annivesary weekend (how timely is that??) and it did give us the TOOLS we needed. You need some guidelines and tools for this.
We have had mc's before and found a good one around here, thank God.
But Retrovaille gave us the "jumpstart" we needed more than a weekly session could provide. And there are other reasons it's good and you can research that but for US that helped.
The profound workshop (Essential Experience) that we attended years earlier was not available near us or near in that time frame (it's in Philadelphia mostly) so it was clear to us that Retrovaille was the tool we needed then and there. Plus it's geared to marriages in trouble or who just had trouble, whereas the other workshop is for individual growth. Crimson- Your w gave you valuable info when she said she was feeling overwhelmed. Process that information and back off SOME...while still checking in and making eye contact, re-capping what she says so you KNOW you heard her right. ASK HER what she wants/needs from you atm and agree that it's not written in stone and it can change. IOW you are simply asking for info as it comes to her, and negotiating what you can/should.
She has NOT Said she was wrong to file, (in a way she wasn't wrong; b/c it may have saved your m)...
She has NOT said that she's thrilled with the idea of a reconciliation. She's open to it, is how I read that but I'm still few pages behind...
Hey Crimson don't misunderstand me, I'm thrilled to see you here and you ARE in a better position.
this is positive stuff...
Just keep in mind that
***there's little downside to taking this slow
and huge downsides to rushing it.
**Don't change your (low) expectations til she changes and expresses hers.
**Don't mind read or assume = but tell her you need whatever answers she does have, so you don't obsess or mind read, esp negatively.
**Accept that she does NOT have all the answers and when she does,
they may change as her feelings evolve...and so will you and yours...
Her changing her mind is not a mind game or a malicious act. It's not hormonal!
I'd Assume the Div proceedings are continuing until if and when she stops them. Do not "DO" any action on your end that isn't required as a response to hers.
She may not stop them this month but if you continue to date, I'd say by this summer.
Try Piecing in 90 day increments. That gives her enough time to see your changes, to believe in them more, and to let her loving feelings and good memories resurface...(do not push or expect them.)
and 90 days gives you some time to figure out how you want to become a man only a fool would leave....
this can be a two step forward one step back thing. It's not all linear. But it is progress!
Last but most important, keep on the path you have chosen.
The real journey in life is an inward one. Stay on yours....
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
