You know, C, this is the really ironic part. Doing what you need to do, and having her see what you're doing.
If you were a "Friends" fan, do you remember the episode where Rachel sees the tape where Ross gets all dressed up in a Tux to rescue Rachel and take her to prom? Hopefully you know the episode so I don't have to explain. The fact is that there really was nothing that Ross could say or do to convince Rachel how he felt about her. It took her seeing him at a moment that he wasn't prepared for, where he wasn't acting, where he wasn't anything except pure and natural Ross.
Another movie moment is the scene in Fireproof where his wife learns that he had paid for her mother's medical equipment. He didn't tell her, didn't brag, didn't position neon lights so that she would notice. He just did it because it was the right thing for him to do, EVEN IF she never took him back. THAT, my friend, is a man too good to leave.
And sort of the point I was trying to make when I was griping about Valentine's Day.
The problem is, all of us in this sitch have seen our spouses "pure and natural" for years, and sometimes it's just not pretty. Your wife thinks she knows you. She doesn't have a real reason to believe you're anything different than you've always been, or that the changes aren't just temporary.
The thing that struck me so in the exchange with your parents is that I believe it was just all you. Your W wasn't there so you certainly weren't doing it for show. You have nothing to gain by lying to anyone on this board. It's a trait/character that seems to be rare, even if it was hard-earned.
With our kids, the experts always talk about "quality time." But the fact is that you can't just make quality time, it sort of just happens. But in order for it to happen, you have to have "quantity time." Same for this process, I believe.
If you've heard your wife, if you really know what her deepest desires/complaints are, then keep addressing those. I'm really hoping that one of them will strike a cord with her. Thing is, you just won't know what it is, and you can't do it thinking "this is it!" You just have to go about life living out your love for her.
Let me say, too, that I believe that her reaching out to you in MC was monumental! Don't get bogged down with the fact that she didn't immediately turn back to you and drop the D. Don't talk yourself out of the promise that moment offered. Hang on to it, but just know that it will still take some time.
AFTER you reconcile, I can provide you with a bunch, like "Honey, I got a raise today, so I took part of it and bought this diamond tennis bracelet for you, and thought I'd find out what you'd like to spent the rest of it on," or, "Hey, Sweetie, I just finished a training class on full-body massages, and I was hoping you'd let me practice on you this week, starting with your feet."
