@2 - Thank you. Yes I am truly dark right now until I have heard about the health insurance from my L friend.
@AC - The not talking is not set in stone, BUT it is healthier for me at the moment because I do want a relationship with my wife and she does not.
I have accepted that in regards to not reaching out to her.. ever. But my heart still holds on to hope. I need to shelf that.
@JS - Yes that wouldn't surprise me if it was a touch and go. I'm sure it's part of that losing control. I played out all the scenarios in my head. They all lead me back to not responding.
Even if I gave her the benefit of the doubt and she was truly worried... so what? I say I was ok and we go back to status quo? That doesn't work for me right now.
It was an extremely hard decision to make. Who would have thought a small text response would bring tears and nightmares??
Who would think it would be so hard to love myself in this way...
.... who would think it would be so hard to love my wife in this way.
But my well being is not the concern of someone who does not want to make an effort to be in my life. I don't care what our history was.
If she truly cares - she will reach out again. When she wants to be part of my life - she will make the effort.
I can help with the journey - but she has to take the leap.
I'm worth that.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
