CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE!

[MynameisMZ]

Yeah Abbey1989, I agree with what kml. You came here to save your M and you want to be sure you do the right thing, in the right way. Nobody can fault you for that. I think it's just painful for people to watch you writhe in so much pain because we've all been there! Please, use this board how YOU want to and don't let anyone else tell you how you need to or should be doing it. Lord knows you've had enough control of your M taken from you. Don't let how you need to deal with this be taken or coerced away from you as well. Take what people say and use it if it's helpful. If it's not helpful, then leave it. I'm here to empower you, OK?

I'm unpopular sometimes because I don't necessarily agree with not confronting. By going along and not bringing it out in the open is contributing to the secrecy and thus the intensity. I wasn't an am not interested in being a silent threesome.

I didn't come to these boards until the A had been over for 5 months. I've told it before and I will tell it again. BEFORE I knew about DB, I had strong suspicions that my H's EA was more than that. And YES, he did deny it. I do believe now that my confronting him and ow set in motion the demise of their A. I would do it all over again. That is just me. I like DB because it addresses what needs to change in both partners. But hold that thought.....

I just knew I wasn't going to be able to live in a M where I wasn't the one he was completely devoted to. I also knew that confronting him and ow could possibly lead to his choice to leave. I was ready for that to happen. I guess what I am saying is that you will get to a point where you need it to change. Sounds like you are gearing up for that.

And as far as it taking this long....c'mon people, Jack3Beans told me when I started out on here that I could be in for a long ride as far as MLC is concerned. He was right, it can take a long time. Looking back, I can identify H's MLC starting in 2002! Hopefully we are on the tail end of it.

Yeah, I had to change things and I did. H is now changing things too. I fear that we would still be in the gallows if I hadn't decided that I, yes, as in ME.....I was ready for it to change and I was willing to take responsibility for it "going wrong." But this allowing cake eating for months and months is insane! Not me, uh uh...not for me...not going to share my H.

Do you know what I'm saying? It's you, it's about you. You know what he is doing is wrong, you know how much it hurts you. So, your decisions about what to do have to be in your own best interest. In mine, I KNEW it would destroy me to let the secrecy go on. I decided I'd rather not have that M at all if he wanted to do that. I was very clear about that! I think it was that attitude that made it work. It was not a manipulative play to coerce. I meant business! I wanted more from him and our M. And if he couldn't give it, well then, I didn't want it. That's another spin for GAL.