The looking back over your shoulder to see where she is , is what is keeping you from your things.
In a sense I know this but my intellectual understanding doesn't always jive with my emotional maturity
But.....
Buts are excuses for not doing better....
Everytime you use the word "but" in that context, you dis-qualify everything preceeding it.
All I saw was .....
I know this
BUT
I think I know better, and I want my way, so I am gonna follow my own rules and do it anyway.....
Originally Posted By: rickb89
Originally Posted By: Mach
You looking back over your shoulder is what is keeping her from doing HER things.
Maybe...I'm not sure about this...I guess as long as she knows what my goal is in this sitch...it can't help but put some type of pressure on her
You SHOW her what your goal is by your actions. You have already TOLD her what your goal is.
You show her that you are capable of living a fulfilled life, and if she chooses to be a part of that, then you would welcome that.
That is the attractive part.
People tend to gravitate toward happy people
Originally Posted By: rickb89
Originally Posted By: Mach
You stated above that you are tired of living "as if". That might be the biggest thing that you need to realize right now.
What good is realizing this? I'm not sure what you mean by realizing it is the biggest thing? You mean, don't live as if, just live? Did you go through this process like me? How did this go for you?
Yes, I went through this.
How did it go for me ?
It went well, after I finally understood what it meant to live. I was an "I know, I know" kinda guy. I thought that there was something I could DO to change my surroundings.
I thought that I could change the outcome if I did this enough, or that enough. I was too close to the forest to see the trees around me. I was too wrapped up in what my x was doing, and who she was with or what OUR future looked like, that I couldn't see that my future was right in front of me.
My expectations were hinged on that of another human being. I was expecting HER to lead me. I looked at her every move and anal-ized it to death. I wondered what it meant if she wore blue eyeliner instead of the green she normally did....
And everyday, I would ask the same questions to the same people, in an effort to diagnose what it meant. And every day, I would get a response back from the people that helped me the most, telling me that I just needed to live for me and my children.
I thought that was what I was doing.
When I started taking charge of my life a little more, it was a day by day thing. It was a conscious effort to do what needed to be done, regardless of the feedback. It became about what I needed to do for me, and to not worry about where she was, or how she was. And slowly...I detached.
No person can tell you what the future has in store for you. Nothing in life is a guarantee. No person should hold that much power over another human being.
Rick, I will tell you that I think you have a real good chance in having another shot at this. Her confusion is on your side.
You didn't get to where you are now overnight, and you will NOT get out of this overnight.
The future is gonna happen. No matter how hard you try to stop it or change it. Focusing on HOW you can change it is a waste of precious time. Stepping back, and taking the time to really take a long look at yourself, is your best weapon right now.
This will all resolve in time. I promise you that. There is nothing you can do to change it, yet there are things you can do to INFLUENCE it......
What kind of an influence are you having ???
You gotta move if you want someone to follow you.
You have to become whole, within yourself, if you want her to look for you on the other side of her tunnel
Originally Posted By: rickb89
Originally Posted By: Mach
Right now, you are working towards your fears instead of away from them, because you haven't addressed them yet.
Can you give me a practical example of this? I kind of understand this but not sure. Do you mean I'm trying to force my fears into a workable daily existance as opposed to just going where my life and soul lead me?
\/ \/ \/
Originally Posted By: rickb89
Originally Posted By: Mach
You re-fuel yourself, from the inside. Stop looking towards her to do that for you.
For you to do that did you have to just let your M go, whatever the outcome? Did you let go so much that you were essentially a single guy again, open to anything? Did you draw some line where you would go while in this process with your W?
I always say to watch your thoughts.....
Why ?
Because your thoughts become your words, your thoughts also become your actions. Your actions become your character. If you think in terms of absolute, then your life becomes absolute.
Originally Posted By: rickb89
Originally Posted By: Mach
Where does your Faith lie ?
You have to have faith in this process, that it guide you to where you NEED to go.
You have to have faith in yourself that you are capable of this.
You have to have faith that SHE will do HER work...
Faith, yes, or moments of losing it. i think this has been a lifeling issue for me...in many cases feeling me against the world...or thinking my way out of a surrenduring to faith
Faith in yourself.....
I posted something to Truegritter a couple years ago, and I have always loved the analogy about faith, and believing in ones self...
I want you to understand something.
All of these new found things about yourself.
You need to be patient with you as well.
These discoveries you are having need to be "felt" to become real.
I have always said that you have to "own" your emotions, and this is no different. It is okay to realize that there is a problem with something, and learn what it is , and how to overcome.
HOWEVER....YOU need to own these things that you are finding.
You have to own it, feel it, embrace it, and take action on it.
AND....if you are sitting there shaking your head yes, and thinking "I know " , I'm coming to visit you with a real 2x4......
Real change takes courage in the face of the battle....fearing the unknown, yet reacting with a lack of fear.
And I'm not convinced that one can go into said battle with someone else's battle plan....
All of your realizations are great Grit.....They really are.....
Unless you own them for you, and actually live them, they will mean nothing to you in the end.
Sometimes I see you acknowledging things simply because someone here says to.
Slow down,and carefully examine you, feel these things as you go through them...
This is a process....
Processes take time....
Everything happens for a reason and by the grace of God, on HIS time.....
Nothing like hanging a $10k chandelier in an outhouse.....?????
