Remember, this has been a long and successful marriage with kids.
It is possible that this is a midlife crisis type aberration on his part, possibly one that is winding down in the face of positive changes on Abbey's part. We don't know.
And I don't think Abbey is playing the victim here. I do think she's a bit scared of the changes that would happen with divorce - which is perfectly rational - and is hoping her H will eventually get over his affair - which may well happen (after all, he hasn't left for her yet, now, has he?).
I think, though, Abbey, that what you're hearing from everyone here is the frustration that your H is continuing to lie - and perhaps getting the truth out into the open is the push needed now to effect change.
