Never thought I'd be here........part 8

[2thepoint]

"As for the legal proceedings - we have a hearing at the end of the month (28th or 29th?) to settle financial matters. I really, really, REALLY don't want it to happen. However, she has not said anything about calling off the proceedings and pressing "pause" on the matter. Moreover, I do not really know if it is my place to ask her to....in fact, I think it would be best if I just shut the heck up about it and wait for her to take the lead on it. My fear is that the divorce is likely to be final in early May. And we keep churning good dollar after bad with the L's. No matter - that is something that I have to just wait out."

Crimson, your instinct is spot on here. Remember what your W told you just a a few short weeks ago about her suspicions that your changes were timed to coincide with the D proceedings? If you do anything other than let her take the lead on this, you will severely sabotage your chances at a reconciliation.

"I think I am at a place where I need to cool it a bit, perhaps - or at least back off some. I don't want to scare her off. We have a Doctor's appointment with S today. I have him, so we will meet up at one. Still, like a 17 year old boy I am nervous to see her....butterflies and all. Where did this come from??"

Fear, plain and simple!

You do need to play it cool. We've talked about that in previous posts. Let your W take the lead on next steps. Meanwhile, you need to continue to detach and continue your GAL. First of all it makes you more attractive but it also protects you from the ups and downs that you will no doubt continue to experience.

Regarding Valentines Day, play it by ear and see if maybe your W suggests something. If I were you, I would do nothing more than perhaps a card with a short but heartfelt sentiment and maybe a single rose, (yellow for friendship).

One other thought is maybe consider putting together a picture collage of your S so that she will have something to look at during those lonely times when you have him. In fact, I'll bet she would really appreciate that gesture. It is not over-the-top and is fairly neutral so as not to be overwhelming for your W.