When you think about giving up what normally prompts those feelings?
I guess it when I worry that I am standing for the M and all that effort entails, and I see signs that I interpret as me contributing my entire being to someone who won't even see it, never mind want to R. I guess that is where we are warned not to read into things, not to mind read. I am truly burnt out but I think accepting the emotional swings of this makes it easier to recognize it as temporary, and find ways to push through the down swings.
Curious because I very seldom see my W and I am on the verge signing the papers and saying goodbye.
When I hear your sitch I feel guilty. There's always someone whose sitch is tougher, but when you're in the midst of heartache or burnout, it's sometimes hard to not be so self focused. In your case is your W asking for the divorce? I need to catch up on your thread.
My W also has some serious problems that she has never shared with anybody but me. Not even her folks or friends. Her history includes sexual assault and cutting herself when she was in her teens. She would often become very distant to me and "clam-up". I finally convinced her, after 12 years, to see a IC. The following day she left me. Last contact I had with her she was under the impression that I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. WTF? really? Still sets me back when I think about that.
This sounds so much like what happened with my W except I, not the therapist, was the one who triggered her breakdown. My W had the same traumas and ran way just like your W. Is the D proceedings just a hyper reaction to what she is faced with psychologically and she is running scared shytless? Can you ask her to put the D on hold and see if she will consider a break, but she get help for a period? Maybe, reassess later? My W and i came within a breathe of splitting, and I really wanted her out at the time, but we did decide to wait and see what the therapy might offer. She fought it tooth and nail, but over time made some breakthroughs. Can your W face that possibility?
