kolja - OMG! Thank you so much for saying that. You may be right. He has complained that his apt. is a white box. My apt. definitely has a home vibe. I am going to work on making this apt. even more warm since you said that.
Rick - I was wanting the Pats to pull through so bad. My H will now be even more depressed. 4 yrs ago when things were great between us I was afraid to talk to him for 2 weeks, I thought he was always about to cry. H takes it especially hard since he is the lone Pats fan in NY amongst his friends and his friends are definitely gonna ride him a little. H is very sensitive especially about football.
So glad I didnt go to the superbowl party tonight and have to deal with my crazy and obnoxious Giant fan friends. Its so weird cause for support I feel like I have told the right number of people. But I just rarely see the people I've talked to about this. None of my good friends live near me.
CO, Purg, BF - thanks for the love. I am gonna take it easy on myself Tired of worried about what the neighbors dont know. Let 'em wonder. I dont have to say a thing if I dont wanna. (Thats my attitude for now)
Rick - Wish I could handle having a real bf right now or at least a "friend". I should at least enjoy the benefits of being separated?!
Brklyn - as much as I think your H is lost, completely lost, I do sympathize with him regarding the crush of losing to the G's again! I hardly slept last night.
I feel like you do about telling people about the sitch. Even though you or I are not the one's who walked out, and are the one's valiently trying to save a M and family, it still is embarrasing to speak of it publically. Only a few of my close friends know anything, and in some cases where I discuss this with family, I wish to god I hadn't. It's not wrong to take time to hide out and lick your wounds. When the time is right you may feel more comfortable with this and in the meantime thank god you have these two beautiful girls to share your life. But, I do get the unease you feel. There's no question that many people judge you by seeing you separated or D, and where my youngest is older than your girls I see the stigma that is attacheed to this as people in town and school hear about us.
As far as really looking at the concept of someone else, and whether someone else will be enough of a shock to your H to remind him of your value, be very careful. In my moments of despair I try telling myself that I deserve to be loved again fully like I should, etc. And when I was suggesting it to you I was saying it out of a protective feeling for you, just like my friends will do for me. But, is it right, maybe at some point it is, but I don't know.
I can tell you that when someone else is interested you may feel incredibly uncomfortable with it. One of my lifelong friends who thought he knew how to help me invited me to a restaurant and secretly brought a girl along to "fix me up with". It was so incredibly creepy. God I hated it, and I was pretty mad at him for it, but could see the humor in the sitch. He was trying to help, but Jesus don't ever, ever do that again! I still shudder thinking about it, and truth be told, this girl was probably very nice in every way.
I also had a lifelong super close girl friend (a friend who is a girl I mean) and my partner is a novel, and other artistic pursuits throw me a curveball and express a new kind of interest. Again, we as the one partner standing for the M have to be very careful about what we do, even though our spouses get to do whatever they want. Just think of the consequences for them though, what they may have to live with forever.
Food for thought though. One of my friends, who is a LBS, stood by his wife for years and she never came back towards him. He recently decided to open the door to a new relationship and he says he's never been happier. It's such a tough path you and I are walking. Deciding whether we can provide unconditional love, and whether that mean forever? What is selfish when we need love? What do we do to set an example for our kids? Do we show then how to stand by your partner, or do it for them regardless of ou life quality? Do we show them that we deserve to be happy and move on? Do we show them that we love our spouses and want it to work, but have the self respect to say, fine I understand your sitch but I deserve happiness too?
