All your soul-searching and writing and really looking at your motivations is DBing. You've gotten some really good advice here, things I think we all need to hear.

I’d like to be able to let H know where I am in all of this, but that’s probably just more of the old me: “OK, solved this problem, all fixed. Move along; get over it”.

Maybe I should just have patience, take the slow route, and let my actions speak for me. If H notices then so be it.

We have the answers to what we're looking for...

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss