This thread continues to ring more bells - I think family of origin is crucial, unless the person realises how messed up that family is, and addresses those issues. And Ihave seen people do this.

Now, my xh managed to suppress a LOT of his PA behaviours for a long time in our marriage [my eldest son commented that his father had not visited the effects of his awful upbringing on his children when they were growing up] It was as he became older and started to need to make real life transitions that the [always latent, as I now see] PA behavious kicked in, and kicked in big time, so that he had a total personality change. Everyone comments on it, who knows him. He is like another person.

When he was younger and much less evidently PA he freely admitted that his upbringing was awful. Now, as a full blown PA he gets angry when anyone suggests that his upbringing was less than perfect. His mother [who I got on better with than he did, who supported me fully, but was very very messed up] died about 18 months ago. Now he tells people how much he misses her! This may be true, but the image of caring son is hardly accurate, as I used to phone her, call her and generally keep in contact.

He also came to see his nightmare father as the victim in the marriage, rather than the master of PA behaviour. I think the rewriting of history that we see in MLC comes from a number of PA traits, including the need to be right, and the need to be at the centre of their narrative. They don't admit they were wrong, but simply that they have changed their point of view. It isn't the same thing at all, although it sounds the same.

'I used to love you, but now it isn't what I want'
'I never really loved you, I thought I did'
'It didn't work out'

Classic PA phrases, centred on the self and their needs, and if possible blaming the other for the failure of the relationship. Even if you have written proof and photographic evidence that things were different than they said, they will discount it all if it doesn't fit their narrative. That is why they seem at times like someone with Alzheimer's They seem to be talking about another reality, and they are. It is theirs and it doesn't relate to any external realities. My children [all adult] found it very disorienting. 'But dad, we were there;, it wasn't like that' was met with 'You didn't know what I was feeling inside all that time . . .' For him the clincher.

When he was married to me, and I fulfilled his emotional needs, his family were awful in his eyes, and I maintained the contact between them, but when I became demonised then his family were rehabilitated. They are all somewhat crazy, but they do see the horror of their upbringing. Interestingly they were all over each other when he first left [family reunions and all of those things my xh refused to attend] and I am sure I was blamed as the one who kept him away. Now I notice a real falling off of contact. I think even they have noticed the cracks.

My eldest son said 'Dad does normal for about 2 hours, and then the cracks show' I have very very little contact, but a minor family crisis occasioned him to call me about 6 months ago, and we talked for quite a while on the phone. After the call I felt as if I had been talking to someone who was emotionally like one of those Escher drawing - you know that initially LOOK normal , but there are staircases going up and down and all kinds of weird perspectives.

And as for the overwhelming need to be right. yes he prefers to lose his whole family and pretty much all he had rather than admit he might be wrong. It would kill him emotionally.