separated 31 days

[Yogoer]

Thanks for the rules. Having a hard time with number 33 today. Not feeling particularly dark or down - the opposite really, but i know that will change.

Got home after the super bowl and logged into my facebook just as my wife was changing her status to "single" (thanks newsfeed for making my personal life so public), and systematically removing any trace of me. I can't say it didn't affect me, but a couple of days ago i would have been devastated.

I'm working hard on detaching and getting better at it. Going dark as possible too (some mutual issues to take care of - bills, etc.), but plan on handling it by note or text. I am, at this point, doing more for me than in hopes she'll notice my absence. I don't know anymore - i'm going to keep gal'n and pulling 180s, but i think i need to move on. I believe in marriage and in my vows, but i'm pretty sure it's done.

I know a lot of you say it's over when you say it's over. I don't know though. I'm going to keep following the program so i can be a better partner in my future relationships. I am highly doubting those relationships will be with my stbxw.

We are stuck being married for at least 6 months - we are new to NY and there is a residency requirement. Yes, that means i have some time. Frankly, i'm scared to be with her when she's not medicated, though. She gets very violent, verbally and emotionally abusive, and her emotions get completely out of control. Throw a D on top of that and i can't imagine what would happen.

I don't mean to be a downer, but when is enough enough? Been thinking i should have asked HER to leave.

Life is so strange sometimes. I am so very thankful that we did not have children. I really feel for those of you who do - you must be incredibly strong people. I pray that i can maintain a fraction of your strength.

Good night all. 2 am is here - i should try to sleep.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here.