I know you are right, 2TP. I guess I wasn't prepared to deal with this stage or what to expect. I mean, not at ALL. Part of me was just very excited by the prospect of being around her and my son again. I think I just red-lined the engine a bit. I need to slow it down and realize that we are still not "back". Better, but not back.
In a way, I was hoping that this phase would mark the end of the whole divorce proceeding. And who knows, maybe it will. Notwithstanding, at the end of this month we have a scheduled court appearance to determine some support issues. I really don't want to think about that much.
Are there any resources to leverage for this stage? Books? Anything? I don't want to blow this and it seems that if I pat TOO much attention it's not good and if I pay too little it is also bad. Don't now how to respond.
I won't contact her today unless she contacts me first. We have to exchange custody today so I am sure I will hear from her eventually.
This is a good problem to have, but a problem nonetheless.
It's definitely a good problem, Crimson. Not to sound flippant, but as I watch my wife pack up her things to move out of state, I'm pretty jealous of where you are even though I can clearly see it's got its own challenges...
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Crimson, keep on your path to being the best Crimson you can be and you can't go wrong.
Just don't expect it to happen quickly. I am my own worst enemy in that way, I see a bit of positive and then get in a funk because everything is not perfect NOW!
Maybe making a gratitude list before you fall asleep at night might help.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I know kolja. It is a matter of maintaining perspective - I am grateful for my progress but still have memories of my wife packing up etched in my head.
I know I am in an enviable position, but I'm here to tell I am discovering that like the phase I just left, there are no certainties to be had here. I truly cannot tell if my w cares to hear from me, or even if she wants to hault the divorce proceedings. Yes, we have spent some time together but I have no idea what's in her head right now. For all I know she could be thinking that after spending this time together she is growing more certain that D is the right thing for her. Honestly, I have no idea. It's not as if she is texting or communicating any more frequently. Granted, it hasn't been very long in this stage and perhaps I'm expecting too much.
How do I balance pulling back with reconciliation? How do I not scare her away? How does DB fit in this place?
We just have to live the best life we can. Worrying about all of this and what you should do seems to border on the old controlling Crimson. DBing got you this far, trust it to continue moving you forward.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
But how, LA? From a DB perspective I've been in LRT/dim mode. I don't think that that would be wise to continue right now......or would it? I look at the 37 rules and wonder which do I adhere to now? "Planning dates" is that bad?? Honestly, I think I was better prepared for the last phase than this one. I DON'T want to go back there, and I am glad I am here - but I feel sorta lost and confused. I need a sit-down with a former WAW. Where is Sandi when you need her??
Listen to your W closely at this stage. She's still behind where you are, quite a ways behind. Don't be the overeager dog and scare the interested kitty off.
Don't push for more than she is ready for or she may worry about not "feeling it."
Be charming, funny, interesting when with her, the best Crimson around. Draw her out and listen to her. Listen for suggestions
It's natural to feel giddy, nervous and a little scared and uncertain at this stage. Your W is probably 1000-fold more scared about the thought of really opening herself back up to you.
If she wants to reconcile with you, she will keep reaching out. Reciprocate at her level. Ideally, she will escalate the connection between you at her comfort level.
I still haven't heard a declaration from her of being back all in, right? Or all in to the idea of working on things? What exactly has she said to you or in MC re: where she stands now?
A book that was helpful for me during piecing was Hold Me Tight. Have you already read 5 Love Languages and Love Dare?
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
