Right there with you on both issues here. No advice at all to offer as I'm struggling in the same way. But if it helps, I think I know EXACTLY how you feel.
My H went through a phase of not even being able to stand coming into our house when he came over to see the kids - H would sit out on the verandah wall instead.
Problem was, neighbours and other parents dropping off their kids to play with our kids would see him and start up convos and H didn't like this either - they don't know he's walked out and so it made it look like he was still here!
The thing I dread most is all the gossipy parents at my kids two hi-falutin' schools finding out that we are 'separated'. Very few parents in my kids' years are divorced or separated and those kids who are in this sitch are pretty much 'tagged' as different.
Also struggle with the idea of what to say. I baulk at the idea of 'we have separated'. This is so not how I experience it. My H walked out on us.
And we were always together as parents for our kids - going to every school event as a twosome. My H's work-at-home job allowed him to attend things that most dad's could not, as did my job, so we were a regular pair on the school circuit.
I think all the other parents would be flabbergasted to find out we are not together, and this will fuel speculation as to what happened and why. And I am considerably older that my H as well, so they can all make jokes about that!
Another big learning experience for me I suppose.....
So, if it's any help at all, I'm right here for you!
