Thoughts about this letter from WAW?

[NSweet]

....I can not "imagine myself" moving back there at all....I "just feel" like I am ready to move on ever further. "I thought" that the separation would make me feel differently but to "honest"...I have been "happier". "I think" we get along well and "I want" that to continue so much. "I think" we can be great parents to our S and still remain "good friends". I just do not "want to be in the marriage anymore" and "I think" we both need to be able to move on. I know you say you do not want to but we have to.?

I did my best here to point out all the emotions behind what she is saying. By using "I think" and "I feel" a lot she is telling you exactly what she is feeling. And while you can kick and scream day and night and chase her away, there is nothing you can do but agree with her if you want to DR and LRT sucessfully with a great head start. You don't have any leverage here so tell her you agree and the marriage can't be save but you can still be great parents and friends. Then you go dark until she wants to talk to you and give her the space she NEEDS. Remember not to invite yourself into her life at this time. Don't ask questions, don't chase, don't accuse her of anything. That will only wall her off even further.

"You are fantastic" (qualifier)....You are truly the man now I wish you were before I walled myself off.... We all make mistakes (uh oh!), I made a huge one by not expressing "my feelings" years ago when I started to "feel different". I just didn't want to admit the failure of "not making things work" and despite what you may think...I tried vert hard to ignore the bad stuff that was going on with us even though I have now forgiven you for that. (classic WAW btw) I just cannot ignore "how I fell" now even though I love you so much "as a friend" it's just (just is justifying) "not enough" for a marriage to work for me.

It's "not fair" to you to love me and for me not to return the same feeling. "You are great to me" and I cannot thank you enough for putting up with all that you have through this time of change and uncertainty. "I just" (there you go again) know "you need" and "deserve way more than me" (disqualifies herself). I know I said this before and I have tried to make myself change "how I feel" but "I just" cannot.

I'm seeing some red flags here for an affair with how she qualifies you first and then says things like "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and "as a friend". Affair spouses say and do things that disqualify themselves for any good deed you do because they feel like they don't deserve your affection. There may or may not be an affair going on but I can tell you for certain not to worry. So what if you get knocked back from husband to friend. You still have the opportunity to go through the list of criteria and flip on those attraction switches and having a kid together only increases your chances.

I can't keep "pretending?" or "thinking" im going to change. It's "not fair to any of us?" especially S.

I do "want you to be happy" so much and I do "want you to move on"(uh oh!). I wish things could have been different(regret) I really do for all of us "but it is how it is" (justifying her feelings) and we have to move forward for all of us.

I can clearly tell by this that she is misserable with her decision and full of regret. Again all you can do is agree, agree, agree and give space.

"I think" we can move forward with a "dissolution and agree on things". I really do want to "still be able to do things together" (just friends) but I can't "keep from feeling" like we are going to change as we and "I love our relationship". (BUT) "I am so affraid"(honest feeling) if there is not a chance of getting back together then "you will not want to be nice to me"(BINGO!) anymore. I think that would be wrong because I know "we care about each other" and to be any "different with each other would not be in our character"(worried about how you will treat her).

Ok, I'm sensing that maybe there was some anger issues in you that would cause her to fear how you would react, possibly anger issues or raising your voice at her. After you get ahold of your self and agree with her feeling, this would be a great 180 for you to work on. She also bring up the "let's still be friends" message her which is a sign of cake eating. I was faced with this too and found the best way to 180 and avoid being her safety net is to first show her over a couple months that you are fine with this decision and won't get angry with her if she does file. You'll still be there to show her appreciation and ease her guilt for a few months and change her expectations but sooner or later you'll need to comploetely withdraw so she can see what she's missing. You don't have to go completely dark but you don't have to pick up every phone call or return texts that same day.

It's hard for me to say stuff like this (BUT) and I am sure you know that (BUT). I don't want to "lead you on." (affair sign) Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead(feeling guilt maybe) (the line from that song is so true) and I "feel like I am hurting you". In fact I know I do. "I was hurt for years but played it off like all was ok" (BINGO! WAW sign) but now "I feel like I am hurting you" and "I hate how it make me feel". "I want you to be "happy again"!!!!!" (lots of !!!! doesn't necessarily make it true) And I want to be "happy again" (pushing ypou away) "I will help you with whatever you need" (uh oh!) and "will always be here for you" no matter what!!!! I hope when we talk we can figure out when we can get this "process started!" and "remain great friends".

ANYONE HAVE ANY THOUHGTS AS WHAT I SHOULD DO? OR IS IT TOO LATE LIKE I BELIEVE IT IS?

Oh god I see the same exact lines and and general message my WAW gave me before I discovered her EA. Ok I got enough to help you! I'll post what you can tell her in return later. For now take a 2 or 3 days to deal with this and read DR.