Bklyn Queen

[BklynMom]

Hi guys, having a blah weekend. Sunny but a little cold in NY so hard to stay out for too long with the girls. I truly hate being a single parent. It is so frickin hard. I always have to be so motivated for each little thing in order to get D3 to participate and it takes a lot of energy. Getting out of the house is such a production. Oy!!

H called me this morning to ask me for my lasagna recipe. I thought it was weird. Cant he google a lasagna recipe?? If he likes my lasagna, why doesnt he like me??

We needed to discuss a change in the custody schedule and we both talked about what would work for us. I told him I would think about his proposal. He doesnt like to watch the girls at our apt because "I cant stand being in that apartment for too long"

I dont respond when he says that but it does hurt my feelings. I am not so attached to this place but I did try to create a homey place for our family and it hurts that he cant stand it here.

I later emailed my H, that he's plan for the new custody works for me. He hasnt emailed back.

I am still in so much pain.

H is off to a super bowl party with my lasagna recipe and the girls and I are staying in. I turned down an invite to a super bowl party with some friends that dont know about my sitch.

As I have written about before I struggle with talking to acquaintances about my sitch and I hate hate hate being a single mom amongst families. My girls will go to many more super bowl parties, we can sit this one out and have regular evening doing puzzles and playing grocery shopping.

Ces - I read what you write about keeping my chin up over and over but it is not sinking in. Its strange with work people I can be honest but in my family focused neighborhood I struggle. I dont even know how to start sharing this. I dont know how I would ever say "H & I are separated right now" I cant imagine ever ever saying that. It still hurts so much.

"So leave the shame & guilt back there with the old BM." I dont know how to do this. I dont even know where to begin. How can I possible tell a neighbor what a failure as woman & mother & wife I am?? I am embrassed for my children to have such an awful mother.

Not providing my children with a two parent home seems like the ultimate in failure.

I do act as if everything is peachy but its just acting.