Sleeper, Everyone goes through several or more "life" transitions as they age. However, those individuals who have personality disorders or "learned" behaviors tend to go to the exteme and completely flip out. The ones that have flipped tend to have some major unresolved issues that were never addressed properly when they were children. They never learned how to deal w/their emotional state as children. They learned to stuff things down so that they wouldn't get punished for acting out. The parents or authority figures never paid any attention to how they got "even" w/them along the way. The authority figures may have thought that they were lazy, stupid, etc. At least my xh's parents had thoughts of this nature about him. In fact, my mil told me that xh didn't like for anyone to ask him or tell him to do something. Her observation was very spot on. He would sabotage whatever he was suppose to be doing if it involved me, the home or his job. I can bet my last dollar, if what he was working on was for him and his interests, the work would be perfect, no screw ups.
Unfortunately, we the spouses, are not aware of what may have happened during their childhoods and they are not apt to share those things w/us during our time as spouses. When the "stuff" bubbles to the surface and the triggers are set off, we become the targets for all of their spew. In many instances, the spewing is not actually directed toward us, but we become the substitutes for those they wished they had spewed at years ago.
Spewing isn't just at us, but they do it to anyone and everyone that happens to cross their paths at the time. They are ticking time bombs. I feel sorry for anyone that has to deal w/them. Until you have lived with a conflict avoider/PA, personality, you just won't get it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
