Well it feels like I'm checking in with my weekly update, not much of an update, just the same really, well almost.
Like last week, OM is around still, so there is no contact for a week, I understand, I just get the odd text about the kids.
Last night I had my son stay over, it was his mums night, but she asked could I have him as she was going out, I knew it was with OM, but I said fine, I like having my son stay and didn't mention OM
So I get my son, and he tells me she has gone out with OM, no surprise!!, I asked him how he felt about everything, he said he was Ok, but didn't like OM being around, he doesn't like him, my son thinks he doesn't like him either, and that I should be back home, It was lovely to here how much he missed me, but also hurt that he was upset.
He then asked about my "girlfriend"??
I asked what he meant, he said that his Mum had told him that I had a girlfriend, and thats why I couldn't take him to football 1 night?, I laughed, and told him that I didn't have a girlfriend, but I knew a girl that I liked, that I took out a few times, but she wasn't a girlfriend, and that I only missed that night because I had to work late, I also said that nobody will come before him or his sister, that I hadn't forced another person him like his mother had, and would never do that to him, he just laughed it off, but why has she said these things to the kids??
My only thoughts are that she feels some sort of guilt for her actions, and is trying to point out she's not the only person seeing someone?, not sure really, but I still don't get it??
So today, as every Sunday, OM goes out with his friends, and I know the my W will be calling about something as a reason!!
I actually went out with my "friend" for lunch, it was really nice and relaxed, I can't have had a signal on my phone, but when we came out I had 3 missed calls pop up from my W.
I ignored it, said bye, and went home, I had 2 calls on my house phone from her, than after a while, she called again and I answered it.
It was about nothing again, school uniforms, and yes, she suddenly found what she was looking for when I told her I didn't have it at mine, it is so obvious she was just calling for a chat!!
And again it got around to us, she asked about my AA meetings, told her I had been going, I was fine, very well, and happy, she was pleased, then said that we only split because of my drinking, I acknowledged it, and asked hypothetically speaking, if I had realised that I was drinking too much and needed some help, would we have still split, she said no way, we only split as I was drinking and she had to do something about it.
The conversation went on about the past again, she is still hurt by what happened, she said that seeing how happy the kids were with me, and how happy they are with me not drinking is putting a lot of pressure on her?
She said that she knew that they wanted us back together, but splitting up was mainly for the sake of the kids, and that I would still be drinking if she hadn't left, again I agreed, and thanked her for leaving me and helping me get to where I am now.
She then talked about our home, how expensive it was, and that us splitting was putting pressure on her with that also, bills etc, I said I knew what she meant, and it was sad that we split up, as we had a great lifestyle with material things, lovely home, holidays, cars, etc, but we were both suffering from it, and our kids mostly, but I will try to help as I can
We sorted of ended it there, again both on good terms, but I don't expect a call until next weekend! haha!!
Maybe I'm reading into things too much, but there seems a very small seed of doubt in her mind?
Again it was as basic as saying I love you, but your drinking hurt us all, I still love you, I know your not drinking, but I cannot be sure, or trust you?
Its all the interest in me?, if she was totally over me and moving on, why the interest, the kids will only tell her good things, and how happy they are with me, maybe she is testing the water for herself?
I could be miles away with my thoughts, but when OM is not about I get the calls, even my son mentioned it last night that she calls me a lot when OM is not there, its not bothering me, I know its happening, if anything I smile thinking she's "cheating" on him with me!
There seems to be something going on in her mind, maybe she is getting serious with this guy, and is just making sure she did the right thing before totally commiting to him?, or maybe she is seeing that I am not calling her, chasing her, I am not drinking, I'm happy, and getting on with life, and in that moment maybe she is thinking, " what if?"
