A few updates: Yesterday's overnight stay as a spur of the moment thing- unusual for me since I normally have everything planned out in advance.
I thought I was going to have to cancel the next part of my trip (seeing my BIL and MIL because of $$ issues- I wasn't expecting gas to be SO much more expensive than at home- and I had already spent most of the budget on gas) so I called H and told him, he offered to give me some extra $$, but I politely said no. He seemed sad for me, but at the same time- relived that I might be coming home earlier. (and maybe I'm reaching, but when I told him I couldn't get together his brother- he seemed to get upbeat)
Then my parents stepped in and gave me some extra $$ for gas- and they said it was important that I keep up those relationships with my inlaws (gotta love parents who bail you out even when you're a grown woman) so, I called back H and let him know that my plans were still the same... He didn't get as excited. I didn't ask him if he was still ok with me visiting them- he already gave me the 'green light' a few weeks ago, so it's his problem if he doesn't like it.
Is this normal WAS behavior?.... My friend in Jacksonville, FBed H to tell him she was excited about my visit. She also said that she hoped we could work things out some day, and he responded: "sorry, not going to happen. Never going back" they talked a bit more, and she shared with me that H didn't seem like himself, not like the H that she's known for 10 years. I was greatful that someone else got to witness the 'alien' version of him. Question is: does the WAS keep up appearances to friends too? I mean, I'm used to him 'convincing' me, why would he need to convince a friend? Or does this mean that he is truly adamant about his decision?? (I don't like guessing or analyzing H, I really didn't want to... But it gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach that he was so 'convincing' to a friend that really has no stake in our R)
Ok, enough thinking for a little bit..... Off to watch the game with BIL!! I left 30 degree weather to come to 80 degrees!!! I forgot that I like the sun
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Yeah, thank goodness for parents bailing out their adult kids, right? My folks had to borrow a grand against the cash value of a whole life insurance policy on me (which they own) in order for me to pay the 2 mortgages and credit card bill at the first of this month because of how much my wife spent in December and January!
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Hi Purg - So fun that you are on the road. I love long road trips.
I think your sitch is too early for your H to make any statement to anyone except "Its over". I think you should ignore that he told your friend he's not coming back. You should discourage people from trying to convince him to come back right now. He is not ready to hear it, he will get more defensive and will fight rather than listen.
In time I think those friends that suggest you both work on it, will be great but right now as evidence by response he can not hear any of it. He is confused and an alien. He does not know what he is saying or doing.
He is sick right now and part of the cure is time and no pressure.
Have fun
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
The first thing I thought was that he knew your friend would tell you what he said, so of course he's going to tell her what he tells you.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
Hope you're having a great time! I'm glad that you didn't have to cut your trip short because of $$.
Just like you shouldn't believe anything your H tells you, you shouldn't believe anything he says to anyone, especially mutual friends. His mind is elsewhere right now and he thinks he has made up his mind. Even if he had any second thoughts about any of it, I don't think he'd be sharing them with anyone. That said, I understand how it feels.
A couple of weekends ago when my H told me he wanted to move out, our mutual friend tried to "talk some sense into him". H was telling him exactly the same things he told me. The next day he started to show little positive signs. My friend told me that he felt that H wasn't himself. At least we know that something is wrong, and it is NOT us.
