I have to admit i was a little miffed by the negativity of a few of the previous responses but know that at the end of the day it is my decision and mine only. (and thanks for the support 111).To be honest with you i don't know if i want to save this at this point.
He does not have a history of cheating or being disrespectful or even mean in any way. He has become a completely different person in the last 6 months and is in a self-destructive mode, not just with me but other aspects of his life. i know he is on a journey of some sort and only he can figure that s&^@t out. I am working on me and me only and isn't that the underlying them of DB. the things i learned from reading the books and using this forum will help me with whatever relationship i am in in the future, whether with current husband or not. I know that with or without him...i'm going to be ok and have the love and support that i need to get through this awful situation. I don't know if i want him back in my heart and in my life...i know i don't as the person he is right now. But thats not to say that if things change, these feelings won't. I know i still love him because you can't turn that off after 5 years. with help (professional health) i would consider taking him back, or atleast opening my heart a smidgen to let him in...but again would go in with a cautious heart.
I take marriage very seriously and didn't rush into this or get caught up in the momentum of it...heck we were engaged for 2.5 years and have lived together for 4. Heck he moved continents for me i think he had 4 years prior to being married to think about if he wanted this or not. He is a strong personality, as am i. I know i wouldn't have married him if i had any doubt in my heart and soul and i know he is the same. Again, I take the vows of marriage very seriously and sometimes that means having to fight a little harder for what you have committed to regardless of whether it is 6 months or 60 years. People have the ability to get through this situation and worse all the time, and you see examples of that on these boards . I think it is hard for people, not knowing every detail all of the day to day..in the weeds details, to tell someone to give up and its not worth it because its a young relationship and there are no kids involved. In fact there might not ever be kids involved. Right now i don't want them and who knows if that will ever change.
I do know that people do make mistakes...heck we are human afterall. And young love or not people get over awful things....much more awful than this. I know that whatever my decision at the end of this situation i will be making with confidence.
