New to piecing

[dragonflie]

Hey guys.
It's been busy here, then we got snowed in for a couple of days. H is at the computer or right here so I don't feel comfortable posting much. He went to work a little while ago.

Things had not been going so great lately. He is responding to the kids with irritation (even his son) and the sweet guy who came home is gone. He talks about how "we have changed" and I don't know what he is talking about in regards to himself. Well, he doesnt really talk about R at all unless I do. Anyways, I had mentioned a week ago that since we had decided not to go to counselling, that putting God first in our lives, having daily bible study and prayer together and having a Christ centered home would supercede any need for counselling.... and since we are not doing that, we need to decide if we are going to counselling or not. He said we need to really work on Bible study and prayer. He will do this if I ask him to, but I forget too, and don't really want to carry the responsibility for it all the time. I am trying to be committed to at least my own personal prayer time.

We actually had a wonderful weekend and yesterday at home with the kids.
We ML A LOT! And that really drew us closer. I don't want our marriage to be based on that, but sex seems to be his love language. He is much more loving and attentive when we are very active. But still.... nothing else has changed.
I couldnt sleep last night for some reason.... at times almost felt panicky, but no real panic attack or even close. Fell asleep around 4am, D7 woke me up on the couch at about 5am, about 7 I got up and went to bed, 7:30 phone rang- manager letting me know my work is closed today... then I got up again to make some work related calls.
Went back to bed at 8:30. H got up, took a shower and got ready for work, and left with very little to say. After how close we had been, it was odd. He did ask if I was feeling okay, and I reminded him I had had very little sleep and I had to get up again because the kids were making so much noise and running wild (H is usually very strict about noise in the house and this morning he just let them be wild while I tried to get some sleep)

The roads here are awful. The news says to stay in for safety, avoid driving. He had told his boss he would probably not be in. So it was odd. We didn't discuss his going in, or anything at all. Almost like he was avoiding me.

As for the gift thing... after mentioning it to him a few times, I bought myself a beautiful ring last week. (Not a solitaire! A clearance ring with channeled diamonds, very pretty). He didnt seem to mind at all.
He said that he had ordered me something that would come this week.

So, that is where we are. I have only myself to blame for having high expectations of him... I should have none.
I have not pursued my own interests. I have let everything slip.

One day last week I was trying to read the bible in the bedroom and he came in to talk and see what I was doing and lingered and lingered. I felt like he was trying to keep me from doing the thing we had agreed on....when it was the first time I had even tried in a while. We had words about it and he stomped out of the room.
We argued about it later. He was snotty and completely unable to acknowledge it. So I just gave up on talking to him and asked him if we could come back to it another time, which we both know well we never do. and didnt.
I guess that is a major problem, we are unable to work out problems together.
I feel like all I do is come here and complain. I read other peoples threads and feel like I have nothing helpful to say. I don't know what I am doing, so how could I help anyone else?......
I do love H, and we had a great 3 days together.
I am sure my lack of sleep is affecting my mood.