H's sleeping-in-bed streak ended. He made it up to 5 nights in a row! Not sure what made him long for the couch again. It could be that maybe he's "just a guy" (no offense to the guys). He ended up joining me in the shower this morning and one thing lead to another. So now that he got what he wanted, he doesn't feel the need to be close to me. But there is likely more to it. I'm sure like me, he dreads weekends now. So much time to spend together and so much tension/awkwardness to deal with.
The day started okay, we both took S4 to soccer. Then S4 had a birthday party to go to and H said he didn't want to go with us. (On a side note - I had my first Chuck E. Cheese experience today and it was a mad house. I can't believe people go there voluntarily. I felt a little anxious once we left). H went to get lunch "by himself" when we were gone. Whatever, I didn't ask. Later in the afternoon H wanted to get out of the house and go to some stores to look for something. We ended up all going together, though while in stores he was off looking for stuff on his own, and I was with S4. We go S4 a marble maze that he's been wanted for a while. I wanted to start putting it together when we got home and on several occasions I and S4 asked H to join us. The 'old' would have been all over trying to put it together, but this 'current' H could care less. H seems utterly annoyed by S4 now. No matter what S4 does or says irritates H. This behavior on H's end makes it very easy for me to start feeling resentment towards him. I need to be careful to not let that resentment take over my willingness to want to stay together.
After S4 was in bed, and I poured myself a beer and sat down in the living room with H, he told me I didn't have to sit there if I didn't want to. I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and he just said do whatever you want. It's his clue that he didn't want me there. I just stayed a few more minutes, and then retreated to the bedroom.
I mentioned a day or two ago that H wanted to watch the game tomorrow with S4. Today he's saying that he may go and "make an appearance" at a party. When we stopped at the grocery store for a few minutes today, I was looking at ribs that I was thinking about making tomorrow night, but he told me not to bother making them since he wouldn't be there. Ha! Does he really think it's all about him? S4 and I will have our own "party" at home and if he'd rather be elsewhere (even after telling S4 that he'd watch the game with him), then so be it.
Rick- I've been hearing this clown music throughout the day! I do know that it's not a steady stream of positives, unfortunately. I suppose H was due for his 'down' time. H let himself come too close, now he needs to pull back. I look at H's face and I don't see my H. His expressions seem foreign to me. His eyes often look red. His face shows traces of anger and frustration, and general indifference. I don't see any warmth or love towards S4 or me, or anything really. I just keep wondering who this person is and what happened to my H.
