So I am realizing what the new challenges are/are going to be. Interesting that you think when you reach this stage the sailing will be smoother....I mean, it IS in one respect - but in others it is just the same to a degree.
So last week, during MC w was talking about all of the things that she didn't have in the house....kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, and so on. The MC suggested as an activity that we can do together we go out this weekend and get her some things that she needs. Financially, I knew that it was incumbent upon me to pay for it - but I didn't really care. (I'll get back to this ^^^^ in a minute)
Yesterday I was browsing for things to do with her "date-wise" and found a concert next week that she would kill to go to, and a comedian in April that she would like to see. She was excited about both. Haven't purchased tickets yet - but I probably will. This morning I went to a farmers market downtown and texted her if she wanted anything (she is mostly vegetarian) she said "sure!". So I picked up some of her faves and went to meet a friend for coffee (GAL continues).
She texted me about the time to meet to pick up stuff for her. I told her that I would pass right by her place on the way home and I could just pick her and S up on the way. She responded that she would prefer to drive....that the sudden increase in attention was overwhelming her. Then, I started to feel bad.....sorta rejected in a way. I realized that maybe I was moving too fast....expecting too much. I started to beat myself up about it. Regardless, I did my best to get over it - but still felt crappy that she had to make that statement.
So we met up at a Target (was sooooo happy to see her and S) and did some shopping for her. Then the three of us went to lunch. We had another great talk just catching up on things...her work, and so on. The whole time was pleasant and we laughed and made a few jokes. I walked them back to W's car and buckled in the baby. I kinda thought she would look at me and say good-bye or something, but she just kinda piled into the drivers seat and said "see you tomorrow" (for the hand-off) without even looking at me. I walked away confused.
The new challenge for me is WHAT TO DO! I don't know how to handle dating someone that I am married to. Don't get me wrong....I am S T O K E D that I have made this progress, but I think I am hungering too much for more. I find myself doubting that she is interested in me at all (dangerous mind reading, I know).
Granted, I know that she is in a place now where she is working to reestablish trust in me and see if what I have done is genuine. I guess I (foolishly) believe that if I know that these changes are for real, then she should as well. Flawed logic - I know. Then I wonder if she will EVER believe....or how long before she will. Months? Years?
Then I guess part of me was like "wow, I am buying supplies for HER new place....just how long does she plan on being there??". That line of thought just kinda made me sad and realize that I am not very far down this path.
So what do I do? Anyone been here before? How to I balance proper "pacing" with a desire to make progress? I don't want to mess this up. After the "overwhelming" remark I figured I'd better slow it down. Maybe forget about the concert (though she sounded 100% interested).
I am really confused and without a map right now. I feel like the dog that finally caught the car....."now what....???"
