I received my copy of Passinate Marriage and began reading it. The author recommends that I do so without my W knowing about it. I like some of his initial ideas about marital and sex therapy:
1. Hold onto yourself. I'm so focused on my performance I lose myself in the process. I need to get myself into the sexual R. I think he also means holding onto yourself in the R as well. Becoming a bolder version of me will enhance intimacy and sexuality. I get to keep working on that masculine-feminine mix of who I want to be, but show it for the world and my W to see.
2. Sexuality is a powerful window into who we are. I'm curious to see what I learn about myself. I'm guessing that I've been holding onto some longstanding patterns that need to go--avoidance, anxiety.
3.It's the shift from impersonal sex, like boys have, to having sex like a man. I need to learn what having sex like a man involves, because I doubt that I've been doing it.
The book has my attention, and I'm eager to learn. It's written by a psychologist who can write clinically yet in an engaging manner. Thanks for the recoomendation.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
