G You have been given great advice! as you know you would I love the going back to DB 101 basics, GREAT plan!
Personally I feel you need to concentrate more on getting yourself back up,find your center, not sure exactly what that expression means, but I do know when i'm in it and when i'm not! You work on what you feel you need to and let her work on her, I am sure she must know she needs to look at herself and her issues as well.
I know the pressure of making a second marriage work is prob more intense, it crosses my mind a lot- what if it happens again,,,,, but more important you need to feel its worth saving , you say you see positives, then that may be just what you need to gather the strength you need.
You can do this, you got up and dusted yourself off before, I saw you! you can do it again, you know what you need to do this time.
Good luck friend xx
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Perhaps that same desparation or fear about being alone led me to jump to M with W2 instead of giving us enough time to truly discern what was right for us/me.
Thanks Karen, I agree. Right now, I am reeling. I clocked 2-3 hrs sleep last night, mixed amid waves of stress and racing thoughts. I have forgotten how this feels - yuck! I'm without my main tool for stress management - running - so I have to improvise quickly.
I went out and bought copies of DB, as well as codependency books. I remember giving away my DB books to others 2 years ago - confident that I was "done" with them. I am a fool.
Yes, the self-work is next. I need to perk up and get that going strong.
Was out to dinner with a friend, but was pulled away to do a TV interview. Young attractive reporter interviewing me in my office (I returned to work) but I felt no real rise. But I reminded myself that it was good to go through the motion, as it probably is not what I'd do in the M - I'd have raced back home to be by her side. Before this marriage, I would have worked to enjoy the moment.
I guess part of the lesson is that I'm responsible for my own happiness. I can't expect that from another person.
Just S12 and I together this weekend. Have to be okay with being uncomfortable with this marital distress.
Completely [censored] that you're going through this again, Fiat. You've reminded me how important it is to not let books like DB and DR gather dust even during the quiet times.
By the way, God does indeed heal the broken-hearted. Stay strong, man.
Thanks Alamo. I do believe in miracles, and boy have I been humbled lately.
KML, I get you. I rushed things, overlooked some likely problems, and settled all too easily.
What concerns me is how quickly I forgot my DB lessons. Looking back to that time, I remember a rough dating experience - nothing major, just infatuation followed by rejection. Merely did not work out, but then a few weeks later, W santered back into my life and I fell quickly AND didn't keep my self-work going.
I can recall some work-related stressors - especially the departure of a good male friend. That may be a big issue for me - I've experienced the departure of good male friends over the past 3-4 years (moves due to jobs/family) and slumped into a bit of a withdrawal pattern (e.g., why bother making new friends when they just leave?). Childish, I know.
I think good male friendships are important for a man to keep perspective on himself.
you can do it again, you know what you need to do this time.