Dragy, every time you feel yourself start to get those feelings, remind yourself of all the girls on this forum that would LOVE to be in the place you are.
You owe it to yourself to DB the best you possibly can, because you're getting the kind of chance some of us only DREAM about.
*HUGS* Hang in there, girl. You can DO this. Remember what being without your H was like. How you longed to have him sleeping beside you again.
Then ask yourself if a back-slide is worth having all that pain and anxiousness back again.
It's not. So do your best, because it's hard earned and you deserve this.
I'll continue to read up on your threads when I get a chance. Meanwhile....do I ask the questions that I have, like... why don't you check your email from here? (He has an account he can log onto from any computer, but has not checked it here. He can check it at work) Or just be supportive, observant, and not say anything?
"Being at peace with yourself is a direct result of finding peace with God."
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
Casually mention that online service is available if it is more convenient for him. If you ask a loaded WHY question, you may not like the answer you get. Best to offer the information in the form of a statement not a question. The question seems like an attack. But don't get bent out of shape if he doesn't use email at home. Pushing will only cause him to hide.
he can tell things are bothering me and that I am not happy. I am not so good at PMA when I have doubts and suspicions. Now I am having second thoughts. Is this really what I want.....having to push down my feelings to ensure that he feels great? Having to give up the ideal of honesty between us?
There is no talk of him helping financially either. I told him that I have spent all of my paycheck til a week and a half from now, and have no money. He gave me $20 for gas one day. I really don't want a joint bank account again with him right now. But he has to pay half of the living expenses here. His income is not just for his toys. He didn't even pay the bills of his that I mailed and took to his mom's during the 2 month separation, so now he has to pay those!!!!
I already need a vacation from marriage!
"Being at peace with yourself is a direct result of finding peace with God."
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
The money issue sounds wierd... is he living back at home with you already? If so, how come he isn't pitching in with his share? Have you broached the subject, or are you expecting him to do the right thing on his own, or what?
Hope those with experince come here with some helpful advice, you sound like you REALLY need it.
(((((((((((Dragonflie)))))))))))
Hey, that was my first hug to anyone on this BB! You lucky thing!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Just checking in on my favorite dragonflie. I know you don't come to the boards as often as you used to, but I'm thinking of you.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you got this chance, Dragy! I just want to tell you again I'm so burstingly happy for you, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person!
I hope things are going well, even though you're having your rough spots. Just get through the bumpy patches and you'll be well on your way to something great.
Thank you for posting on my thread. We share some of the same issues (with alot of others on this board too, I think).
Just a few thoughts.... Piecing is hard in alot of ways - the expectation that everything would be just fine if the WAS came home....the fears of what's OK to say and what's not OK....the feeling of having to be happy, happy, happy, regardless, but there are positives in your situation. I think the advice to take it slowly is good.
One thing that seems to be helping in my sitch is for me to keep my doubts and suspicions to myself - at least for now. This seems unfair, in a way, but I think at first, it may help. Both of your are probably having so many different emotions right now. Maybe vent here when you can, and try to keep things on the lighter side at home.
Another thing that struck me - do you think your H could be having a MLC? The spending, the anger, the "alien" behavior seems to fit (forgive me if you've already addressed this in your other thread.)If you think this fits, trying to depersonalize his behavior can help some, IMHO, although at times it feels very personal. I have read the MLC part of DR over and over.
Hang in there. You and your H are in my prayers.(((((dragonflie)))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
