Living with a WAW while going through a D part IV

[Rick1963]

@Mach1
I am going to try an anwser the questions you posted. If it makes no sense I'll try again. I have been thinking about it but there is still some confusion in my head.

How do you envision yourself moving past this ?

I think that I need to continue to discover what makes me tick. For example I never knew how afraid I was of my W disapproving of me. Either by what I was doing or whatever. So instead of having a mature discussion about how I felt I would just shut it until I got pissed. Even tho she may not have said or done anything for me to think that way. So I think I do alot of self talk which leads to me to act. I am paying attention to what I tell myself.


What steps would you like to see yourself taking ?

I would like to continue focusing on me and not so much on W or others. I would like to get a handle of when I want to let my anger get to me and have an outburst. Because they way I see it now is that I wanted to be enraged if that makes sense.

How will you know when you get there ?????

I think that I would have arrived at my goal when I can feel angry without really having much of a reaction maybe a red face. Also when I can feel rejected, disappointed, disrespected and so on without having to defend myself. Just be ok with what ever I think or is said to my about me.

For example when I got home W and D had gone to visit BIL. But I was worried because I was not told that D was going. I TM D wondering were she was and she did not answer. So I started worrying, than thinking how eefed up it was that W did not tell me she was taking D and started getting pissed but I stopped myself. Saw the line of progression. So I stopped panicking and played some MW3. D TM me about an hour later saying she was fine. That is when I realized she had gone to the hospital to visit. 1st time alone without W and D. Felt lonely at 1st but I adjusted. They came home after I went to sleep.

This morning W made me breakfast which she has not done in a while. I thanked her. Than she tells me she was going to the barn I just said ok and kept going to where I was going. She did not tell me how the visit with BIL was or how he is doing and I won't ask. Hope I made some sense