2nd Thread - After almost 1 year, I keep going

[keep_going]

BM & BF,

Thanks for the feedback and the support. I really need it right now, so your words mean a lot to me.

It's definitely hard for me to deal with this because I am most definitely NOT Mother Teresa, and I can't really act "as if" very well when it comes to hiding my hurt and jealousy about OW...

The problem is that because I have not controlled my emotions about her, I have come across to H as the angry ex that is jealous. I am NOT showing him that I am happy that he is in a better place himself.

I have been very judgmental and flat out angry when OW topic comes up. I asked him not to talk about her, I have called her "that woman." I have told him I don't want to ever talk to her or have her in my life.
That is no different than the OLD me. It shows anger, bitterness, resentment and lack of understanding. In other words, my H doesn't see a change in me, and rightly so.

I feel like I need to change course on this ASAP (like yesterday...)
He needs to see someone without anger, non-judgmental, someone who cares about him MORE THAN OW... But what does that mean? I hope it doesn't mean that I have to agree to meet her and talk to her.

A friend suggested changing the subject when he brings OW up...
Don't know if that kind of response shows compassion either.

It's very hard. I know that 90% of our arguments / difficulties since he left, are related to OW and my reactions to anything related to her.

I just cannot seem to be able to detach from this. She is around a lot, he talks about her, he says she is "loving and kind and it shows in how she treats our kids." Heck, even my girls talk about her. They can't help it, they are too young to understand. They say OW is a "princess." She treats them nicely, buys them things...
And I wouldn't dare say anything negative to them, or ask them not to talk about her. I don't want my kids to carry any burden or feel that they have to act or do something different in front of me to protect my feelings. They just don't deserve that.

The more involved she is in Hs and my kids' lives, the less I feel I can compete and win out.

Many believe (and I agree), that there is simply no way to get a S back when OW is in the picture. There is no way to compete, no matter how hard you DB, until she is out of the picture (if ever...)

I never thought I could ever feel like this. I have always been a confident, strong woman. I have felt like I had as much to offer H as he had to offer me. Ironically, I think OW and I have a lot of similarities, with one big difference - she is a VERY happy person, vs. the angry wife I had become... H has told me that several times.

And her other advantage, she's got my H's love. He is really working hard and giving A LOT to make that R work and he is giving ZERO to improve ours...

God... I NEED TO SNAP OUR OF THIS AND GET THAT WOMAN OUT OF MY HEAD.