And to everyone else who posted, I'm very glad my story has given you some hope. I was desperate for some hope when I first joined the board and I was VERY lucky that my sitch was only 4.5 months from the bomb until piecing began.
I think my story may be different from many though because I was contemplating D myself. Therefore, I was somewhat detached when I got the bomb so pursuing by crying, pleading or falling apart was not an issue for me. Some of the DB rules were already being followed unwittingly.
I had not been affectionate or in love with my H for years. He said he felt unloved and unappreciated. When I got the bomb, we'd hadn't ML in 10 months and I didn't care because I no longer found him attractive.
So I was prepared for D and believed that I wanted to D someday. It was the board that changed my mind. I had been reading for 3 months before I began posting. I realized that the grass might not be greener and that I could only change myself. I realized how much I had hurt my H and misunderstood him. I also realized that I did still love him and that I was just angry and hurt myself. Many of the books I listed also helped me to come to these conclusions.
Aslo, I'm also a planner and I had a plan. A time line in my head. I also knew instinctively that H didn't really want a D but at times my anxiety would get the better of me. H also knew there was no way I would every tolerate an A if I knew so there was no way I would let him cake-eat. He knew if he wanted our M, that he needed to get rid of ow quietly but she wouldn't go quietly. He said if he hadn't been in an A that things wouldn't have gotten so crazy. He asked to talk about our R only 10 days after the bomb and that's when he first asked for the list of what I needed to make me happy enough to stay in our M. If you read my threads, you will hear all about the dreaded LIST.
Anyway, I hope this gives you hope but I do realize that my sitch might be different from most in that H said the day after the bomb he was already regretting his decision. He kept bombing me because ow kept making threats and he assumed I would be done with our M if and when I found out about the A. If I hadn't found the board, yes an A would have been a dealbreaker. In hindsight and with H's thought process now revealed to me, all his crazy vacillating behavior makes sense.
But the forum and the books mentioned in my OP will all help you on your journey and I wish everyone well.
