Piecing In A Crazy World

[Endeavour]

I recently changed my screen name; I directed an acquaintance who got a bomb drop to DB, and I do like to keep up some anonymity in case they end up on the boards. However, there have been several times I've wished I could connect with my DB friends in the alt. I don't have a FB account, but have found some DB folks on FB through my kids' accounts (I'm a pretty good detective! .). You are certainly one I'd love to get in touch with some day, as our sitches have had many similarities.

Hello lc! So nice to hear from you too. I have been peeking at your thread in piecing from time to time and did notice the name change. I'm sorry to hear your friend has found herself needing the board but it's the best place to be if you've received the dreaded bomb. I wish her well. She's lucky to have you in her corner.

As for the alt, yes I am on there but I'm locked down pretty tightly right now thanks to you know who. I'm actually very easy to find online for reasons that would be obvious if you knew more about me, but that would require me to give out too many personal details on the board and I don't want just anyone finding me. I stopped posting for a long time because it was clear ow was following me online (long story). I doubt she would have been able to find me here but I didn't want to take any chances. Anyway, if you have any ideas on how I can find you on the alt or somewhere else, let me know.

I have told my H all about you and when ex-ow was in the midst of her nuttiness, I did share the shopping cart incident with him. That's when he thought that perhaps we needed to get all legal on before something worse happened.

As for me, I haven't had any more "run-ins" (literally, if you recall my husband's ex-ow trying to run me over with a grocery cart!!!), and we continue to fall into our "new normal" more comfortably as time goes on. Piecing IS a tough road; I think so many of us want to believe that if the WAS will just come back, it will be "happily ever after." Not so, and I'm so very grateful I learned to really DB, as it will forever help me in my relationship with my husband and others. Truly, MWD could take the DB principles and expand them to many other relationships (with bosses/co-workers, family members, friends, etc). Hey, now there's an idea, MWD!

I'm so glad there haven't been any more incidents for you with the in your sitch. I did think of you often when the I'm dealing with began her fun.

Oh, and do I hear you! Piecing is not easy. When ex-ow was acting like a fool, it triggered me a lot and H and I had more than one argument. It's different now though because we both are committed to not going down the path we went before where we'd stop speaking for days. (That was his thing and eventually out of frustration, I just played along). Now, stonewalling is not an option and we are able to step back, calm down, apologize and discuss things more rationally. The tools we learned at Retrouvaille as well as those DB'ing rules still come in very handy.

Anyway, I am very glad to hear that things are getting better and better with you and your H. You are a very positive, funny, charming and inspiring person and I have no doubt I'd like you in real life too.

It's easy to think "oh, if we had just done this or that in our past, the A never would have happened," but I believe ALL things (the good, bad and ugly) work together for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28), and perhaps the hard things that happen lead us to be the very best people HE knows we can be. I'm so glad that your daughter is coming back around in her relationship with her father; look what a wonderful example you are to her of what true forgiveness is!

Yes, you are probably right and deep down, I think I know that without the A, H wouldn't have dropped the bomb and I'd probably still be unhappy and still planning on D'ing H when the kids were older. Who knows, I might have even had an A myself someday. I'm not sure I actually would have, but it crossed my mind more than once. Although, not just anyone like H. That still bothers me. That the first "attractive enough" woman that gave him some attention...and if he was single he would have never picked ow because he would have had more of a selection. At least he knows how horrible he sounds.

I almost wish I didn't know...


Anyway, from this day forward, I suppose because now H and I have the opportunity to grow and to have an even better M than we had pre-A and that's how I HAVE to look at all of this or I will make myself crazy. Although, the details are hard to deal with...

So yes, piecing is NOT easy and we all want to get here when we first begin our DB journey but when we do, that's when the real work begins. I remember reading on the board that piecing was the hard part and I now I understand. The fear is still there of course. The "what ifs" but then I remind myself that regardless of what happens in my M, I will be okay.

Please keep posting, and know that you and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad to have gotten to know you through this board, as you and others (including our precious JB...gotta love his "you didn't want anything funny boiling on your stove" statement!!!) helped me get to the strong place I am today...and I would be here despite if my marriage had been saved or not!

Love to you and yours....the poster formerly known as lc4

And love and prayers to you too, lc. You and jb kept me hanging in there so many times. I always looked forward to your posts and often a good giggle too. Be well, my dear DB friend.

Love,
E