Sorry to hear you are feeling downbeat and negative.
I'm no expert in this, but it seems in your case that the turnaround was very sudden, with no build up at all. It seems very fishy indeed, and from what I have read here and elsewhere, it is virtually guaranteed that your H has had some kind of OW in tow. But I thought you knew this? You cetainly suspected it. Does it make a very big difference to you? Either way it has been a massive kick in the teeth, right? Plus, I don't know many (any) guys who just up and out of a marriage without there being the pull of an 'alternative' in the wings, that's if the affair hasn't already started!
When my H left, he assured me over and over that our 'friend' had nothing to do with it, she was just a 'dear friend' to him, did I want him to take a DNA test (!?) or what? Then he asked, "What difference would it make to you, do you WANT me to have had an affair, would it make it better or easier for you??"
You see Dragonflie, he may not technically have 'gone all the way' with OW, but he most certainly had an emotional affair, I had seen some of the emails, she spent an awful lot of time at our house while I was away, they probably got pretty far along without going the whole way. Then my H gets pangs of guilt about this, and decides he needs to leave the marraige to make it 'legitimate'!! He then has to trash the whole ten years of our marriage to make it seem worthwhile leaving, right?
And as soon as he has left, he *starts* a relationship with the 'dear friend' (who incidentally, left her husband the same month, even week, that he made his decision!) So in my H's eyes, this was all OK.
Some months down the line OW dumps him, but he still told our D that he loves her and wrote to me in an email that he loved her and didn't know whether he would ever be part of her future. And still maintains (last I checked) that she had NOTHING to do with why he left!! Right!
So back to you, you need to acknowledge that there has been SOMETHING, even if he doesn't.
It seems that his moving back is all going his way. He decided he was coming back (did he ask you?) He doesn't fell the need for any explanation of what happened. Have you set down any boundaries for yourself?
I have been reading so many threads here, going way back over a year, and even the success stories had early debacles when the spouse would return suddenly, only for it to go sour again, becuase the S had returned for the wrong reasons, like being kicked out by OW or having a row or whatever. Can someone who knows everyone on these boads better direct Dragonflie to those threads please?
Dragonflie, you need to read up more than ever, and know where you are heading. H might have opted out unilaterally, but coming together has to be a joint decision with EQUAL input on the groundrules! Don't just let yourself be taken for granted.
Hope you get lots more advice from others who are more experienced in all of this. I do wish the very best for you.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
