wow! i can't believe it's time to start another thread!! i just want to say thanks first to everyone who's been following my sitch and has given support and advice. it has been invaluable and a complete lifesaver during these trying times!!!
well.. it's now february. bomb dropped in october and honestly.. i didn't think i would be here 4 months later. wow! can't believe it's been 4 months.
i am still sad but, don't feel so defeated anymore. i think things clicked when i realized and accepted the fact that i have zero control over the situation. of course i backslide and get teary.. but.. the recovery time is shorter.
i still have the goal of having my family back together. i haven't bothered telling H that though. also, it is no longer my primary focus. my primary focus has become to save myself.. for the sake of my children and hopefully for my M. we'll see.
leaving the kids for the weekend again but have my GAL activities planned out! heading out w/ some girls from work tonight. shopping w/ mom tomorrow AM and then meeting a gf to see "sixteen candles" on the big screen!! sunday is currently open but hoping to pick up a shift at work. then i will be back w/ my babies again on monday!! keep busy!! just have to keep doing stuff so that i don't lose my mind.
H txted last night and again this morning. small talk like.. "good morning. hope everyone is bundled up. it's cold outside" i sometimes wonder if he's just testing the waters.. or wanting to check in and get info about the kids.. who knows. can't dwell because i will never come up with the right answer!
it's a beautiful day! feels more like spring. as though there's a lot of promise in the air.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Sorry to hear that... I know exactly what you mean. Leaving the kids even for 24 hours hurt.
But it sounds like you have a great weekend all lined up. Good for you!
And consider how much progress you are doing. You understand that DB is for you, that you have no control over anything else outside yourself and your recovery time after a backslide is shorter.
You should pat yourself in the back. These are great accomplishments for only being at this 4 months. YOU ARE DOING GREAT!
I probably don't need to wish you a great weekend. I know you will make that happen too!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
had fun last night. the girls wanted the night to continue by heading to a club downtown but i called it a night shortly after midnight. my mom wanted to go shopping in the morning so i decided to be a responsible adult and head home to bed shortly after midnight
went to see 16 candles on the big screen this evening. so much fun!! and can you believe that there were actually men in the theatre.. alone?? anyway, it was fun to remember the teen years. wouldn't it be nice if our problems were simply about a boy we were in love with? oh wait.. hmmmmm.. seems we have the same problem now as we did when we were 16!!! teen angst.
afterwards, my gf and i just hung around drinking coffee.. talking.. sitting idly by the window people watching as the evening passed. what i thought about is that it's really nice to have this time to myself.. what's not nice is the circumstances surrounding it.
a big moment for me these past 2 or 3 days.. i can actually picture my life w/out H. and i will be good.. and i will be happy. that's not saying it's what i want. of course not! but it takes 2 in a relationship. i'm willing to show up.. but not sure if H will ever get there.
a funny moment, i took a picture of myself and thought.. wow! D looks like me! D is beautiful!! so i've come to the conclusion that since D is beautiful and she looks like me.. i must be beautiful too! hahaha. if i say it enough times, it will be true. lol
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Did you ask the guys that were alone at the theater if they were DBers? Funny my D looks alot like me too. The only thing she does like is her curly hair. Don't know where that came from? I think it is beautiful but she not does like it. Actually a few months ago she cut her own hair. I was shocked but said very little. By the way she is 15 and no BF?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I've been told that our children reflect the best parts of us... So if D is beautiful- guess what.... YOU are too!! Just remember, your H picked you. H saw something so beautiful in you that he wanted to make it his own... you ARE beautiful- no guessing about it!!!
I'm so happy for you that you've been able to have a few thoughts about a life without H, I've had those too lately. By no means is it what we would *choose* for ourselves, but the fact we can consider it (I think) means we are getting a healthier mind set.
((((BF)))))
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
rick - i think w/ women, if you have straight hair.. you envy the curly hair.. if you have curly hair.. you want straight hair. and then one day you discover that's what hot rollers and hair straighteners are for! 15 is a difficult age. becoming a women and still very much a child. i was a horror between about 15-17 (honestly look back and am shocked at my behaviour) but look at me now! hahaha.. the fact that you love and accept her is the best thing. she may not admit it now.. but it will make the world of difference later on. sort of like an WAS i guess
spending a couple of hours in bed this morning very different from a few weeks ago when i physically felt like i just wanted to sleep so i wouldn't have to think or feel anything. i opted out of going to the movies and have enjoyed reading the boards.. scrolling through the net.. reading my new book (which is excellent so far! learning a lot)
have been going through boxes of clothes to donate from my mom's place. scored a pair of snowboarding pants that i think were my sister's! plus.. fit it to some stuff i had given up hope of ever fitting into!!
will meet a gf later to check out some thrift shops and funky boutiques. coffee.. chatting.. then maybe will watch godfather again tonight (i love that movie). home tomorrow to my babies! i have thought of them so often this weekend! when i went shopping i bought stuff for them. was out and saw a star wars variety club pin which i had to buy for S!! can't wait to hear D's little voice saying.. it's mommy!
ok.. this is a dumb story.. while my mom was looking at coats yesterday, i was wandering around and found a cat toque w/ little ears. i put it on.. snuck around the coats and popped out at mom and said "meow!". she almost had a heart attack!!! when i did that something clicked. i thought, i use to do things like that all the time. H and i use to have so much fun w/ things like that. when did i stop? maybe that's what my gf meant when she said she saw a spark that has been missing for years. hmmmmmm...
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
BF - Love clothes finds! And the trick with your mom? My siblings and I do that kind of thing all the time. HILARIOUS! Glad to see the spark is coming back!
This reminds me that I need to go shopping. I'm ready for a new look. Just not sure what yet.
but have my GAL activities planned out! heading out w/ some girls from work tonight. shopping w/ mom tomorrow AM and then meeting a gf to see "sixteen candles" on the big screen!! sunday is currently open but hoping to pick up a shift at work. then i will be back w/ my babies again on monday!! keep busy!! just have to keep doing stuff so that i don't lose my mind. 