lc4 here...recently changed my handle after directing a friend in marital crisis to DB.
Have you already apologized for the problems you brought to the marital table? (I'm thinking you have, plenty of times). If so, don't do it again. LET IT GO, decide what changes you want to implement in your life and get to making those changes happen! This goes back to what I've been encouraging you to do all along. Make your list of personal goals...things that you want to accomplish to make a better NLW. THIS ISN'T ABOUT WINNING HIM BACK; IT'S ABOUT YOU BECOMING YOUR BEST YOU!
Take your husband out of the picture, and be motivated by the fact that you and your kids deserve you to be the most awesome person you can be. You don't need to tell him you are doing that; actions speak louder than words. He will notice! If he's too stupid (pardon my bluntness) to take action and come back to you, then it's his loss.
You have been doing a fantastic job of getting by with him out of the picture. Think to a year ago...you were dependent on him to drive you to and from work, to shuttle the kids back and forth, to cook dinner, to take care of the house and garden needs, correct? And now, you are doing those things on your own! Give yourself credit for that!
In the words of Christopher Robin to Pooh, "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
Dust yourself off, and get back to the business of DB'ing! You can do this!
