I haven’t posted much lately since I got some 2x4s suggesting that I needed to DB more authentically: stop pursuing and let my H go.
I have been reading here every day and taking in advice and thinking deeply.
I realize that beyond just accepting that my H has gone – and leaving him the space to experience life without his family - what I need to do is truly own my part in the demise of our marriage.
In my interactions with him to date, I’ve been alternately clinging and angry. Trying to woo him back or exploding with pain about what he is doing to us.
I’ve also been focusing on what’s wrong with him to try and explain how we got here. In my talks with him, I’ve pretty much made it all about HIM.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the last couple of weeks looking inside myself and considering things from his perspective. I’ve also thought about what real change on my part would look like.
I’ve written some of this stuff down – probably in the vain hope that some of Crimson’s success might work in my sitch too.
Don’t know if I could bring myself to give it to my H though. On the one hand, it seems like a cliché (to hand someone a letter, especially when one sees them frequently). On the other, it seems a bit pathetic on my part to think that just because a letter worked for someone else, that something similar might work in my sitch.
I’m probably just grasping at straws…. But I do feel as if I’ve finally had a bit of insight into my (considerable) part in how we got here.
I’d like to be able to let H know where I am in all of this, but that’s probably just more of the old me: “OK, solved this problem, all fixed. Move along; get over it”.
Maybe I should just have patience, take the slow route, and let my actions speak for me. If H notices then so be it.
