thanks thats exactly what i'm going to do first thing tomorrow...after our snowstorm and i'm going to ask my big strapping male rugby friend (who was his friends before he lost the respect of everyone in that community that i introduced him to...now they all think hes a coward and have no respect for him) to help.....
to be honest with you i never shed one tear over this and feel that its validating to know that i'm not crazy in thinking it was going on. i mean the things he says to me are actually laughable they are so out in left field. i wish i could record our conversations and play them back to him at some point!...i do keep hearing more and more things about him and ow...my gut tells me it was an ea until very recently...october i think...and people tell me these things because they respect me not cause i dig...which i'm sure is what he thinks.
i don't know how salvagable this is at the moment and right now i don't know if i even care. i do deserve more respect and dignity that i have gotten from him over the past 6 months. i also know he can give it to me because he has. but i don't know if i will ever open my heart to him again. so we will see. i know that i can tolerate a lot without getting really angry....last night i was pushed and i feel like the work i've done with/on myself over the past three months is helping me deal with this with a somewhat rational head.
i also strongly believe that there is underlying depression (and a mlc) going on and have suspected it for a long time.....from what he has said to me...while reading the mlc board i am knodding my head the whole time saying yes...he said that...yes he does that...all of it. the only way i could look at him again is with professional help (and a clean std test - ha!).
don't ever apologize for the diddy's - i love them and the support here is very comforting...everyone on these boards are hear for the right reasons - cause we aren't the problem (and yes we aren't perfect) but we are trying to be better people!
i digress...i am going out for dinner with a lovely group of friends that love and support me through all this...and he is sitting in someones basement looking to find friends of convenience to go out with....and this is the life he wants! Karma!
