I've read your postings here and on Surviving, and (from the perspective of a person who has survived a H's MLC--which is just a glorified depression), your BF sounds depressed. He may be on anti-depression meds, but studies show that they don't work for a surprising number of people. The sleeping a lot, the reduced sex drive and inability to orgasm, the complaining about everything, the total inability to connect with you or empathize with your feelings, the "selfish" focus on himself, the blaming everything on his partner, the apparent clarity with which he dissects your faults while re-writing history--they're all classic depression issues.
By the time you bought the lingerie and tried to attract his attention back, I doubt anything could have worked--the depression had taken too much of a hold. Plus, from his perspective, trying to catch his attention with the lingerie, when you yourself were cold and uncomfortable, must have seemed a little desperate--much like the left-behind spouse who suddenly makes all the changes the walk-away has wanted, and pleads for another chance.
You ask whether you should pursue him--it sounds to me as though that would just allow him to continue perceiving you as "the one with problems" in the relationship. The texting, invitations and we're-just-good-friends messages sound to me like attempts to portray himself as a good guy despite his choice to break up. As long as you play along, he can feel good that you're obviously just fine. If, however, you go dim and get on with being fabulous (because you definitely are!!), he will get a little space to, possibly, reconsider. However, as long as he remains depressed, he's unlikely to realize that it's him, not you until he has dealt with his issues. It is positive, though, that he is seeing a counsellor and trying to make progress in therapy.
I've been trying to remember--I believe you met R at a party given by another former DBer, who expressed concern about him as a potential partner. What was the nature of her concern?
What would you see an ideal sex life as looking like?
