Yesterday H emailed me and we IM'd, he ended up coming over (first time in 2 months), He is so sorry about leaving, he loves me, he will never leave again....
Neither of us has broached the subject of when he will move back. I think we both want to take some time to see that things will not be the same as they were before. But he made it clear that for the next 3 weekends he is busy with his son and the 3rd weekend, going somewhere with his cousin. So it certainly makes me feel low on his priority list. And there are a lot of doubts on my side as to how he is going to be towards my kids, which was a problem in the past, and so many issues, I don't know where to start.
God answered my prayers, and sooner than I thought, but now the worry sets in.... I think we should spend some time dating and getting to know one another alone, not with the kids. I'll just have to wait and see if that is a priority for him. And obviously need to create some mystery, as he said that he knew I would be happy for him to come back, when he should have been sweating it. I had not spoken of R since about Nov 14. I clearly havn't shown that I am moving on and pursuing my own interests.
but he asked for his wedding ring and put mine back on my finger. I shouldn't be complaining, but I just have worries. I guess that indicates a greater need for faith in God.
I know this is where the real work begins, and I fear he thinks it will be easy.
"Being at peace with yourself is a direct result of finding peace with God."
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
Nov 6 I came home from work to find he had moved out. Things had not been great, but I was shocked. He had even gone to church the night before, acting as if all was well. our 3rd anniversary was one week prior and he had given me 2 loving cards. We talked for a week or less about reconciliation til he decided it would not work. During that time I begged and pleaded and agreed to whatever he said. Then he stopped contact. Since then we have been "business only" til Dec 22, I met him to get the cell phone changed to my name, I was in good PMA and apparently it had some impact. I got an email Dec 24, then we started talking last night.
"Being at peace with yourself is a direct result of finding peace with God."
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
I have a question.... Several people have told me to go real slow with this reconciliation, for H to not move back until I am sure about some things, primarily for me if he develops a relationship with my kids from first marriage. Advice has been to wait several months, and get all the answers I need as to what he was doing for the 2 months, was there OW, what did he spend all his money on, etc. I am not sure if I want to grill him on this stuff. It was obviously time and space that he needed at that time. I am not sure if I want to know if there was OW. If there was, and we reconcile, would he think that he could get away with that again, whereas if I never ask (why would he tell the truth about it anyway?) then he can continue to think that I think he was faithful to me.
On the other hand, I am fearful of waiting, and wonder if it would be better to let him move back when he says he is ready ( I am sure he wants to evaluate the changes here before moving back). In some ways I think we should date for a while, get to know each other w/o kids around, then I think that we should be together and work on it while living together.
Advice?
"Being at peace with yourself is a direct result of finding peace with God."
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
I'd say just let the stuff go for now. If it needs to come out, it will. You can slowly learn about things as you spend more time together. There may be a time he's willing to talk about it without you having to ask, or there may be a time where you can feel out the situation and ask questions as it seems appropriate.
My H seems happy to babble about what he's doing and spending money on, only he complains a lot, like I said in my thread. He talks about his friends and such, but complains about aches and pains and how much he's had to sink into his car lately, ect.
I'm so happy the Lord has given you this miracle, Dragy. Use it wisely!
Aeryn, you're right. I don't feel the need to interrogate him, and what needs to come out, will.
We are going to turn the 'when to move back' over to the Lord along with the rest.
I am concentrating on being wise about this second chance. If anyone doesn't believe that God will use something like this to get your attention, I am proof. I had become so distant from H and God, even bitter.
"Being at peace with yourself is a direct result of finding peace with God."
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
Your last paragraph really hit home with me. I too had become distant with my W and relationship with God (even though I didn't know it at the time). My W left in mid-Novemenber (told me she was leaving in early Nov).
I often prayed to be a better H and step-father but didn't feel I was getting better. Her leaving made my eyes open very wide; not only to her but to renewing my relationship with God.
I hope I am fortunate enough to receive the same opprounity that you have. Prayer is very powerful; keep praying for the wisdom and strength to renew your marriage and relationship with God.
