Together since we were 15...Part 3

[Jenna333]

Thanks guys. You're right. Here's an update...

When he came over yesterday, we talked. I felt numb all day yesterday. I was so confused and freaked out by how I felt. I said some pretty final things to him. I told him I didn't think I could do this, I can't trust him, all of it didn't feel right to me. He was blindsided. He told me he hadn't felt that happy in a very long time...since long before he left me. He had told all of his friends and even his brother, who were all supportive and happy for him. He was bawling. He wondered how all of it could have changed overnight. He said he thought we were taking it slow, like we said we were, so why was I making this rash decision? Anyway, he was totally crushed. He told me he'd go to counseling with me. I sat there, numb, not showing emotion while he cried. We couldn't finish our talk. I had to rush out of the door for school.

I talked to a friend on the way to school about it and did a lot of thinking while there. J and I met after school and work to talk. I realized that one of the main reasons I was so freaked out was because I let myself slip back into the person I used to be. I felt so much anxiety and fear yesterday. I hadn't felt that since before I started improving myself. It had more to do with me than it did with J.

During the talk that afternoon, he said he felt like we were on such a great path. We would still be living apart and finding our independence and happiness within ourselves, and when we'd be around each other, we'd get to know each other and grow in love. He said he was so happy to have me back, that he's sorry for everything he's put me through, and that he is well on his way to making positive changes for himself and the kids. He was talking about being a better parent and a better man.

We're going to start counseling ASAP. I feel like I'm ready to give this a shot. It's exciting because he is serious about this, especially if he already told everyone. We're going to do this right. I'm going to call about counseling today.

I'm going with my head and my heart. We're taking it slow. We won't be seeing each other often. I'll still be doing my own thing I'm driving the kids up to my grandparents' house this afternoon. I'll hang out for a while, then I'm driving back down for the night. My gparents invited them up for the monthly soup night in their little town I'm going out with my BFF. Maybe bowling or a movie or something. She's known J and I for over 10 years. She's happy for us

Though we're taking this slow, J says he wants me back for good. He's serious about it. I feel relieved and more relaxed about this because I know we'll be going to counseling. We're getting to know each other again.

Oh, and he said he'd tell the female coworker he'd been texting with (he was interested in her when he left me) not to text him anymore. He said he was weirded out by me asking him to the night before because nothing happened between them and they didn't text often.