Well nothing seems to surprise me these days.. H came to town to visit d (2nd time since move) and he was suppose to but support in the bank for me.. well he was short again and went on and on as to why he cant afford it.
I am faced with the realization that this is no longer about he and I, but about his financial responsibilies. I can not do this on my own, he knows this. He doesnt feel it is his "problem" I put us in the debt, I alone am the reason I can not afford to pay my bills.
the reality, he is obligated to pay child support (if I push the issue) and the other is for a tax payment we owe and the cell phone and the car insurance, I do not have him pay any of the debt.
so in short i need some advice and I need it quick.. I know if i push this i will not see a dime from him and though it is not much and is very inconsistant, it is something, something is better than nothing.. not to mention, finances are his main reason for leaving, so if i push that will be the end of it..
HELP!
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
Opinion - do what you need to do to live and take care of those that rely on you. In this case (im gonna get flamed here)do not give the R with H a second thought. Again, just an opinion looking in from the outside.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
you are all right... I have to do what is right for my children, and he needs to step up.
He is telling me it is costing more then he expected therefore he is short to pay me... that seems to be his thought process... I will be making appt with attorney.
Is it bad that the man he has become (or quite possibly has alway been) is not someone I neccessarily like?
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
Separation is going on 7mos and I did go out on a date. I think just to know I can put myself out there. My therapist strongly discouraged me from dating. I believe it's just escaping reality and we fall into the same problem as our exs affair.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
l2l, I have no doubt that in the dating / honeymoon stage, people in general overlook the negatives about their spouses. I think anyone who says "I didn't know [this] about spouse" would be stretching the truth. We may not know specifics, but certainly there's always some sense that not all is as it seems.
Anyhow, it is not "bad" that you don't necessarily like who you see, right now. Think about it this way. If someone had an eye for you, and you didn't like them in return... wouldn't you be someone you thought might turn them off, or at least have no concern about what you might do or say might upset them?
And yes... it does appear the WAS learns that leaving isn't always easy... or cheap... that's his problem...
Kaffe, I knew many of my h's "negative" sides, and I accepted them, for he had many positive ones as well, over the years I saw many sides of him as I am sure he saw of me... this is what I thought marriage was about, however he decided it was better to just walk away...that is on him
I am learning alot about myself in these months apart and I am learning that a man who can walk away, is not a man at all to me.. it would possibly be different if I understood some of it, or if I felt he was working on this but he does not communicate with me at all unless i contact him.
My point is, i have started to open my eyes to zero expectations, and even that proves to be a stretch, I knew my h was capable of "turning off" the emotional connection to those important to him, I watched him do it to others through out the years, sometimes for very real reasons and other times he had some grudge they didnt even know about...
I say out loud what bothers me most is the fact he has closed off to the kids as well, but i know I mean the family... the whole family , myself included... time will tell if this is permeneant or not. but i suspect it is what it is... he states the only thing that matters to him is his d, but he does nothing to reach her, no phone calls no nothing, 2 visists totally less then 5 hours in nearly 2 months is hardly a relationship.
I can not comprehend how a person can do this? I really truly know i can not get in his head, but i cant help but wonder how a person can walk away????
its a place I have to go because d ask questions.. she is 8 yr old and doesnt understand what she did? I try to be positive, so that I dont say bad things about her dad, but I cant help but wonder myself why is he shutting her out too... He tells her she can call, but why should she have to, and most of the time she calls and gets his voicemail and it full so she cant leave a message...
This is so hard... and as for dating, i am not ready, and I am still married, I do not want to muddy the waters even more...
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
well today i grew some courage, and responded to my H, he said he was lonely and spends most of his time working, I said I was lonely too... I said I had thought about bringing the kids for a visit, he said this weekend was no good because his boss was in town, but next weekend would be good... I dont know what that means, but I made an effort and he didnt reject it???? im nervous and excited, but i will refrain from getting my hopes up.
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
